BALLAD Poem: For God So Loved The Sandbox*, He Gave His First Family To The Desert Sun, by Megan Kemple

“For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son”- John 3:16

In this house, Father is the proper name for God, our world, His House, His House, His Rules or
we’ll all go to Hell tonight,

Clean it up or I’ll throw it away. Do you want me to cut it off? Then stop crying. YES WHAT? YESSIR
That’s Chief God to you.

GPS tracker on His wife’s car, His wife WILL take His children to Church while He sleeps off His
hangover. For God so loved Jack Daniels, He “doesn’t remember” what He’s done, and,
Frankly, my dear, that’s a Family Readiness problem, not His problem.
God never has problems. God doesn’t have a problem.
like I don’t have a problem,
like Just take the picture sweetie,
with the I Love You sign,
smile until it sets in permanently,
strive to be a Stepford Soldier’s Wife.
Shut your mouth, stay strong for your sisters, stand straight, straighter, STRAIGHTER!

A morning-after silence. A leaving for Iraq silence. A drunk driving into the lake silence.
A Gold Star Adjacent silence.
Army brats don’t cry. Army brats don’t question. Army brats hide cuts under bracelets because
You.Will.Not.Embarass.This.Family.Like.This.

But let us go back to the beginning,
Once, God had a God who flew birds over Vietnam,
And that God had a God who flew birds over Korea,
And he married a woman whose God performed in the Pacific Theatre,
And they gave birth to my God.

Once, my God picked a favorite plaything and named her Eve,
taught her that her pain was always her fault,
tricked her, and tested her, and traumatized her,
showed her God’s will was unknowable.

And Eve and God begat three daughters,
who prayed to God for hours and were still too scared to sleep,
God pays the electric bill, so when He says, “Lights Out!”,
He means nightlights, too, and I never understood how anyone
could sleep in the darkness & silence of His House.

But back to the beginning,
God gave me life,and
God gave his life for me, and
God forgot my name if it wasn’t written on an old phone bill, and
God is too hard to talk to so I blocked his number.

But let us go back,
His Daddy’s Daddy’s whiskey begat
His Daddy’s whiskey,
which begat His whiskey
which begat His childrens’ whiskey,

and God’s love begat the holes in hearts and walls,
and those holes begat new holes,
and the holes craved someone who would stay,
but they were holes
that could never be healthy,
so they always left.

His love is leaving,
His love is Don’t you understand how gone I was for you?
His love is unopened Christmas presents, and missed Toby Keith concerts, and
“I thought you were on a different continent.”

His addictions begat His love,
His love begat His mistresses,
His mistresses begat my love addiction,
my love addiction begat my sex addiction
and my sister’s love addiction begat her sons,
who He still hasn’t seen
because His second wife begat Him a Replacement Son
who He hasn’t fucked up yet.

And His threats against a possibly-gay baby begat my youngest sibling’s terror,
and their terror begat my rage,
and my rage begat all the children I will never have,
who will watch God’s name buried in the sand.

Sandbox- U.S. Army slang for Iraq, Afghanistan, and Kuwait