Do you care if you never get to say goodbye?
Never get to tell me that you love me one last time?
Will it break your heart like it breaks mine?
I just wish I got the answers I deserve
And it’ll probably always hurt.
I’ll never stop questioning what I still don’t understand.
Like, how could you just walk away
And leave me without a dad?
You said it wasn’t my fault
But I’m the one that had to pay the price!
How do you still not see
that nothing that you did was right?
How can you sleep at night?
It was never fair to me.
You made me believe that you never cared for me.
Growing up was harder living the way I had to live.
But you don’t even know the half of it.
You should’ve cared!
I was your kid!
I spent my entire life wondering
What I’d have to do to make you want me.
To make you love me.
But I keep coming up with nothing.
I’m so sick of being the bigger person
In a fucked up attempt to stop the hurting.
It was always me that had to try.
I just wanted a relationship with you
But every time I drove to Jersey,
I left with tears in my eyes.
Somehow you’re still putting all the blame on me.
Telling my brothers that it’s all my fault.
But you never came to PA for me.
I hear how often you’ve come to visit them in hopes they wouldn’t tell me.
I just never understood what I ever did to you?
I deserved to have a father, too!
Sometimes I wonder how I turned out to be such a great mother.
I must’ve fallen so far from the family tree.
For all I know,
You and mom probably pushed me.
It’s a shame because I’m actually proud of who I am today.
I’m nothing like you
And that feels good to say.
I did it all on my own.
I guess I never really needed your support or guidance.
It would’ve been nice to have
But that feeling’s subsided.
No one told me how much it was gonna hurt me to lose you.
I guess that’s because I never really knew you.
The irony in that is painful.
Because it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.
And in the meantime I spent every second trying to hate you.
By now you probably don’t even remember who I am.
That’s the hardest part of all of this!
‘Cause no one had the nerve to tell me you were sick!
Now it’s too late to know you
And I don’t know how to cope with it.
I just wanted answers to the questions I’ll never let go!
Why was that always so hard for you?
Just tell me that you always loved me.
Tell me there was some kind of reason that I just didn’t know
And wouldn’t understand.
Tell me that you hate that we never had a relationship
because you never gave us a chance.
Tell me that it kills you that you don’t even know who I am!
Just tell me anything.
‘Cause anything has got to feel better than this!
I hate that I don’t even hate you.
‘Cause that’s just not who I am.
I wish I could fucking forget you!
But I just can’t.
I’ll never stop wondering
what it might’ve been like to have a dad.
Now it’s too late.
And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you for that.
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