TRAGIC Poem: Desperate, by Mary K Gowdy

I do not want to die,
but I’m scared I won’t be able to live through this
pain. The thought of my last breath
and the sinking into what’s next
terrifies me because I have so much to live for
and yet
I’m tempted.
Will my body
force
my hand?

In my twenty-six years, death’s threat has never felt
so heavy
as this. This pain won’t
kill me
unless I allow it,
and I’m scared
of myself. I’m an wolf
with its paw
stuck in a trap—the hunter’s footsteps
approaching,
heavy
with his gun.
I want to chew my own hand off
just so I can fucking do something.
Causing more pain
because it’s already driving
me crazy doesn’t
make sense, but that left
me
a while ago.
I want to quit my job and run
back home.
Destroy my life
in five small minutes
like this small cut
has destroyed
my body.

Author: poetryfest

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