GRIEF Poem: What No One Tells You, by C. Joi Sanchez

It’s been almost 3 months since my father died,
and two weeks since his service.
I’m writing this book…
I finally feel …
I am finally feeling again…
… like I have some strength to gather my words…
able to articulate what the last 4 years have done to and for me.
Honestly,
I’m still not entirely sure what I feel or what i am now other than empty…

Over it all..
wishing that for just a moment
to not be overrun
with thoughts of what still needs to be done…
All the bits and pieces of a life still unaccounted for.

For just a few hours a day
it would be nice
to not still be tied
to the traditional role
of a dutiful child.

No one tells you that the death of your parent
is also a death within yourself.
That it will hollow out the spaces of your heart
that you forgot existed.
(cause for a minute there you forgot you existed…)

No one tells you that grief is a force
Driving you to excavate the recesses of your soul
search out the missing pieces of yourself.

No one tells you what to do with yourself
when that time you spent waiting for death
is returned to you.

Or how jokes lose their humor
when you’re the only one inside of them.

No one tells you what the right amount
of caution is to take when everything,

anything
can trigger an emotional reaction.

They don’t tell you how your 5′ 6″ frame
quickly becomes all fuse
and the floor beneath
every step you take
is now
molten lava.

And how you dream about
starting a bonfire
with the paperwork.

Doing nothing more than
watch Rome burn…

MON. AUG 29, 2022