LGBTQ+ Poem: Even After This I Wish, by Caleb Edwards

I wish I hated you
But I can’t hate people I love
There are worse things you could have done
And your existence in my life was never one

I wish I hated the way you talked
But your voice was a mello instrument
That could pull discordant strings and come out making sense
The way your lips parted in passion kept my soul and therefore my life

I wish I hated more
I never forget things I should
Like the way your curled hair made brown look gold
Or how scruff never seemed softer

I wish I hated your memory
But whenever I see a half smile your name is attached
And suddenly you are in front of me
As if you never left

I wish I hated writing
Because instead of homework I’m writing
You distract me still even after all you haven’t done
And I wish I could stop

I wish I could stop thinking
Maybe then you’d leave my mind
And maybe then I’d be free
Maybe then I could learn to hate

I wish I didn’t want to hate you
And I wish you were still here
I wish I could still make you free lunch
And I wish you could talk me to sleep

I wish we could continue where we left off
In the next morning when I wake
I want to hear you talk for hours on end
About passions I now share with you

I wish I could stop wishing
For someone other than myself
Because I’ve realized every person has a hope limit
And I’ve burned two years worth on you