I know you like the way I say your name,
how I call attention to your presence.
I make the universe aware of you–
you are seen, you are heard.
In that moment,
you exist.
Let me say your name again: [REDACTED].
Let me whisper in your ear: [REDACTED].
Let me purr your name with the accent your mother used so you know where home is:
[REDACTADO].
Let me cry out your name in the throes of passion as we fill each others’ souls with pleasure:
[REDACTED]!
You think I’m too much:
too much to handle,
too many emotions,
too much talking,
too much of me all at once.
But, [REDACTED],
I know you like how I say your name.
I know I send shivers down your spine.
I know I make you squirm in ways you find incredibly uncomfortable, but turns you on so much,
you lose yourself.
And that’s what scares you.
I make you lose control.
You’ve never lost control; that’s not safe.
You must control everything, control it all.
How else can you keep your loved ones protected?
Keep your heart protected?
Because you can’t let that happen again, [REDACTED].
Not that pain.
2
The pain of hurt, of disappointment, of being less than what you wanted to be, of confronting
yourself, of loss, of heartbreak.
[REDACTED], you aren’t going to hurt me.
Don’t you trust me, [REDACTED]?
Do you not think I can take care of myself?
My emotions are not your responsibility, [REDACTED].
Oh.
You think I’ll hurt you. That’s fair. I might. That’s life.
Are you going to stop living for fear of pain, [REDACTED]?
Are you shutting down because of past anguish?
Trauma is trauma and I respect that.
I cannot help you with that so I must reject my urge to help.
I need to let you be,
to simmer, [REDACTED].
I want to simmer in you,
boil in you.
Let me cook.
Let me bake into you.
I am delicious.
Eat me, [REDACTED].
I know you want me as well.
I want you too. I want to make you feel good, feel so good, never leave me good.
I know what I want from you [REDACTED],
and you can’t give me what I want.
That hurts you,
as a people pleaser,
as a leader,
as someone who gets things done.
I’m sorry I fell for you.
I’m sorry I like you so much, [REDACTED].
I’m sorry I am so much; I’m sorry I ever tried to change you.
You are broken and busted and I love you that way, [REDACTED].
I crave you. [REDACTED]
I want to feel your touch.
3
I want to taste you…
again.
While we’re connected,
maybe I’ll feel your pain,
your worries, your fears, and I’ll know you better.
Stop protecting me.
You can’t save me.
You cannot show me anything I haven’t seen before, [REDACTED].
Nothing is new.
I’ve seen it all; I’ve felt it all.
I will know you through your experiences.
I wish you’d share, [REDACTED].
If it hurts you so much, let me catch you when you fall.
Let me be here for you.
Supporting you fulfills me, [REDACTED].
It hurts when you deny me that.
It breaks my heart that you think you will break my heart. You can’t. Only I may break my heart,
[REDACTED]
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