DRAMATIC MONOLOGUE Poem: i am so stupid, by Ashton Gibson

i have already lost too much—some taken, but most i willingly gave away,
stripped myself of everything, hoping to make you like me.
i changed my music taste, stopped watching the tv shows you shunned.
your voice is still in my head when i choose my outfit each morning.
it’s embarrassing i know, but i thought i could be stronger, butcher,
more gentlemanly— if you just gave me a chance to hold your hand bags
valentine’s gifts decayed in the trash outside. oh, how i long to join them.
when you left me, i stopped wearing jewellery—
what’s the point in adorning this empty vessel? it won’t change your mind.
you wouldn’t pierce diamond earrings into rotted fruit.
heartbreak in youth was bad for me, i foolishly thought age would ease the sting.
yet every rejection burns as fresh as the first,
and i lie in this scalding bath,
dreaming of smashing my teeth with a hammer,
making you a necklace.
let me floss with your fishnets, wear your sweat as perfume.
i want you to hold my bleeding body and tell me that you’re sorry
but you aren’t and
i am,
hunched over the toilet, spitting acid and bile.
i imagine you with him.
it’s textbook agony- salt on open wounds, lemon juice mixing with blood.
now, when i hear someone say your name, my heart will shatter,
but i refuse to flinch
— a.g

Author: poetryfest

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