PERSON Poem: A Note to My Mother, by Brianna Barberi

Mom, I miss you…

Grief is completely and utterly consuming. Spoken from someone who has experienced grief for many reasons. One thing I will say-the loss of your mother just hits different. Like an uppercut straight to the soul, you lose half of yourself. Time-is what they say helps heal pain. There is no amount of time that can help this pain pass. I need you now more than ever, my mother. You are the reason I am who I am today. The strength that flowed through you so effortlessly-I did not give credit when credit was do. Mountains of courage taken for weakness, mother I am sorry. A simple phone call so I can say all these words to you-nothing I want more. There is nowhere unless you are here, and here is where I must live without you forever more. I feel your love through my daughter, your granddaughter. It’s something spiritual, cosmic even. Oh, my beautiful mother how I miss you.

Hey ma, can I get a hug?

I find myself dreaming of you-wanting, longing for a hug. Something I did not do enough of. If I had one more day with you, I would make it so special. It would be a day of complete love-from a daughter to her mother. You loved music, loved singing, loved dancing-the most beautiful you were when you would lose yourself in emotive movements. Why did it take me so long to see where I got my artistic side? I don’t know why I stood blind to all of you that is me. Painted pain on a canvas that is mine-it will be the most beautiful because it is a representation of the love a mother has for her daughter, and the unexplainable love that I have for you, my sweet mother. Pennies and stones-I feel you flowing through me every day-I guess you are giving me that hug after all.

Mother…

A sunflower in a bed a roses-you stood out like the light of million stars. You had your unconventional ways of handling situations, but you always got things done. Whether I agreed with your methods or not-we would just agree to disagree. Proving to me time and time again that you knew what you were doing, with the best of intentions. I need you to hear me-I’m putting my guard down. I won’t argue with you, I won’t challenge you-at 35 years old I finally let your love in, and it felt so good. I thought to myself “I could get used to this kind of love,” and then you left. I will keep that time frozen in the pocket of my heart and carry it with me forever and always. So that it may mend the fractured broken pieces I was left with. I am so grateful for those visiting hours-the time we were left with. I opened up to you without words. I’m glad you left knowing how much I loved you. Our last moment-you could only hear me. I held your hand and placed my forehead onto yours as I did when I was a child. With the playing song your husband, my father, would sing and dance with you-I told you it was ok to go home. I can’t wait to see you again, mother.

Her name is Elizabeth, and she was the best mother, grandmother, and daughter anyone could hope to have. I am immensely grateful for the mother I had and all the sacrifices she made for me and her family. I do not know the answers to the many questions that myself and others who have lost their mother have dwelling, but I do know the love of a mother is UNDYING.

~Absence of color
Smile lost
A pain ever so present-It consumes my soul
Forever and always, I will love you my beautiful mother
The hardest goodbye~