DEATH Poem: I Was Grateful, by Lauryn Bertuco

I’m getting drunk again in your memory.
Sitting alone on the edge of my bed
It’s fucking killing me.
Losing you just doesn’t feel real to me.
Maybe I just won’t let myself accept reality.
Either way,
You’re still not here with me.
Whiskey never tasted so much like water.
I guess I just got used to being your daughter.
I never thought you’d be the one
that I would have to lose.
I can’t accept the fact that
I never even got to say goodbye to you.
It’s been a year since the accident
And I still get chills when I think about how fast it went.
I guess I just really fucking miss you both.
I wish I could spend just 1 more day with you.
There’s so much that I would say to you.
I don’t know how to find closure.
‘Cause I still can’t understand
how your lives are just over.
It’s not fair.
There’s been too many nights
When your voice was all I needed to hear.
Somehow I’m still not used to not having you there.
You always made me feel like I was good enough.
Always reassuring me
that I was worth being loved.
Now that your gone,
I feel hopeless again.
And I can’t stand to look at my little sister now
‘Cause I hate to see her pain.
It feels like sadness is just the theme
that this family became.
You held us all together.
You made sure that if any of us ever fell
It wouldn’t be for long.
I don’t know how you did it,
But everyone’s so distant since you’ve been gone.
I miss you everyday
And I don’t think it’s ever gonna stop hurting.
Because I had so much left to say
And you didn’t know how important it was to me.
I hate myself for letting my feelings cloud my heart.
I should’ve told you that I forgave you
It shouldn’t have been so hard.
It kills me inside to think
that you might not have realized
how much you meant to me
Because I was too stubborn to look you in the eyes
when you apologized to me.
But I’m so fucking sorry.
You took me in when I was 16
And you always made me feel like I finally had a family.
I loved you more than I ever let you know.
I wish I could’ve had the chance to say it to you.
Now you’re gone and I’ve never felt
so distant from the world before.
I don’t know if you can hear me;
But if you can,
This is my apology for everything
that I never told you I was grateful for.
I just hope you both knew
that your lives were so important.
I just miss you.

Author: poetryfest

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