DRAMATIC MONOLOGUE Poem: Dear God, May I Rant?, by Gavin Curtis

Dear God,

Im here
Here on my knees,
Here once again,
My head held low,
Here on my knees with my head held low and my eyes glued closed.

Im here
And I haven’t been here
Haven’t been for so long So long
Do you even remember?
Do you
Remember
All those questions The worries The stresses
Is that in your recollection because I didn’t—
find myself,
here,
Again.

I’d beg, get up,
And even sometimes
I’d get right back down,
And I’d pray
Because bright minds prayed,
Because that’s what they said
And I’d go,
Every Sunday,
Even when I didn’t
Even on those, On those mornings
Where the hairs stood up and the sheets were cold and pops said “Stand Up!”
But I
But I didn’t want—
To “Stand Up!”
But he’d come in and he’d make me “Stand Up!”
Because we were going— So I’d go,
Every Sunday,
Even when I didn’t
Curtis

Want — To go.

And I don’t know if your there or anywhere
Do you listen— watch, do you make changes
Because sometimes we’d drive
And we’d get
To the store
And there’d be
No more
Parking
But one spot
Just one
Placed so perfectly
Right
Next — To the door

And my dad would go
“Oh Thank god”
And I
I thought
I thought oh
Oh how funny that is
That’s so funny
Because did
Did he do
That
That right there
That spot
That perfectly placed spot
Because the woman walked out the store and got in her car at eleven forty-two
And we had pulled in– to the parking lot at eleven forty-one
And the car that was right in front of us just happened
Just happened to of picked
The lane
Just before this lane because it wasn’t
Plain
As day
That this lane
Had a woman
Backing out
Of her spot
And I think
Curtis

I think
It’s a little
Just a little funny
Oh
It’s so funny
How My dad
My dad
Would go
Oh Thank God

But maybe I’m taking
Things
Just a little, just a little too serious
Because I understand, I Understand
That it’s just a saying
And I use
All the saying
All the time
And sometimes
Pops would hear now filled with fear
Oh, how he could never bear to hear the Lord’s
All mighty name
In vain
And he’d yell at me
His eyes
Clouded
By crosses
This scene of pride, but I
I didn’t get, I never got
That pride
So I used
All the sayings
All…
The time

And even
Even when I– was no longer here
Here on my knees,
My head held low,
Here on my knees with my head held low and my eyes glued closed.
I’d keep using, using those saying
Saying them all the time
Curtis

Because I, because I stopped, stopped believing
In you
In Heaven
Or Hell
Sin and Fate
I stopped getting on my knees
And I
I told myself
That I
I was was free
And that I
Never again
Would I
Talk
To you…

If you are,
There—
Do you see
See the days, the days we go through
How few are good and the so many– we see
And we say
“God help them”
Do you help them, do you watch
As people die, in war, on streets
Do you condemn the actions
Of those
Whom we could never imagine
In their darkest hour
Because If you … Are… There…
My friend died—
And I, I think, I think, Yeah, I think, I think that’s on you

But Oh Dear God,

I’m not here
Here to blame you
Or change
That of which I think of you
But right now, right now I’m stuck
And life, life has been hard
So god I hope, I hope you know
Curtis

That I
I am just about
At my, my limit, my breaking point
So I’m here
Im here
Here on my knees,
Here once again,
My head held low,
Here on my knees with my head held low and my eyes glued closed,
Because I’m stuck, because I need help, because I have questions—

Because I need answers.
Answers while I’m still here on my knees with my head held low and my eyes glued closed.

So will you answer me God,

Or will I open my eyes for one final time.