DEATH Poem: Unanswered, by Zane Marrs

Did you ever make it to heaven?
Have you seen the gate?
If you did, is heaven such a beautiful place?
God make himself known and put you in an embrace?
Telling you that he loved you and assured that you were safe?

I have to know Dad did he say things were okay?
God tell you the reasons for your choices, decisions, and pain?
Did he tell you about me and how I carry the weight
Of you being gone because of the decisions you made?
Now, do you smile more?
I hope your lungs are no longer inflamed
Did God help you rationalize the thoughts in your brain?

When you ask God a question, does he reply?
Or did you know the answers because of his wisdom when you arrived?
Does God reassure you that you and I are really alike
Does that scare you? We will all know in time

I often look at the situations you had
The army
The PTSD
The struggle to feel intact
You watched over me in spirit, but you didn’t help me cope with my past
When you struggled, did you also push away everyone that you had?

I have to know Dad
Did you think you weren’t worthy?
Did you have little faith and think I’d die prematurely?
I understand you were sick
You didn’t show signs of it early
You tried to take your life away
On my birthday

Do you feel better and laugh more?
Is heaven truly what we asked for?
If I meet you when I’m up there
il no longer ask for
answers

Nobody is perfect because we all feel remorse
But this pain, I can’t carry it anymore
I hope God shows you love and you are no longer torn
I hope you feel loved because I remember that you were adored

I’m older now, and I can see a bigger picture
As a kid, I was angry, but if I could talk with ya’
I would probably hug you, and my tears would fall
Because no matter how mad I was at you
I felt love all along

I have a lot to experience
In life and my soon-to-be marriage
I wish you were here so you could tell me how to manage
But If you’re looking down, you can see me looking up
I hope you feel peace and strength
I love you, Dad