ROMANCE Poem: Isabel, by Jonathan Gonzalez

First Loss

Sit beside me,
Don’t hold my hand,
Wipe your tears,
You should leave if you can.

Pause our dreams,
Those seas can wait,
I’ll love you forever,
If you come back one day.

Change your mind,
Stay up for a while,
Don’t shut your eyes,
I’ll miss your smile.

Dream with me,
Feed me tea,
Repeat to me
our memories.

Bloodshot eyes,
Tears gone dry,
You’re fading quick,
I’m losing my smile.

The moonlight paints
Your canvas hair,
I open my eyes,
And you’re not there.

Your mother’s voice,
“She had no choice”

You left me sleeping
on your couch,
You took my heart
far down south.

No kiss goodbye,
More sleepless nights.
I’ll miss you most,
In my dreams tonight.

Don’t set me free,
Don’t spare my plight,
A heart that’s yours,
is forever mine.

You

It plays back like a movie,
But I can’t remember your voice.
Does your laugh sound the same?
Do you still groan when your mother calls your name?
I had a dream where I told you,
All the words I could never say,
And the fear that I felt without you, after you took my smile away.
If I told you how much I love you,
It’d always be a lie,
I could never put it into words, even when you begged me to try.
It’d make my year to know you’re okay,
Can my ears borrow your voice, even if it’s only a day?
I’ve been trying so hard not to look for your heart,
My reflection is the best I can do,
I look into my eyes and all I see is you

An Unsent Letter

Everyday I think of you walking through the doors of whatever room I’m in, without
context or logic. You made me feel safe, I’m sorry about everything. You were the very first
person who’s loved me without hurting me, and went above and beyond. At the time I was so
shaken from dealing with things that came before you- I couldn’t open up due to years of trauma,
abuse from countless people. You’re my favorite person, I still listen to Porno Witch, I still listen
to Teenage Blue. I’ve been trying so hard to cope with the OCD and Bipolar stuff and it’s been
absolute hell, but I know I can get through it because you did and I was so proud to hear about
the progress you made. Your heart looks a lot like mine, I meant it in the first letter, I mean it in
this one. Please, please play piano and sing and do whatever the hell you want you girly-girl.
Tall, curly girly, you’re not intimidating.

Thief

I forced myself to forget,
And now I can’t remember.
The sound of your laugh,
Echoed throughout my September.
If for some reason you decide,
That I was enough,
Please come find my heart,
They’ve always kept in touch.
You stole a big part of me,
But I’d let you take more.
If you want me forever,
I’ll always be yours.

Smiley

I see your smile in places you’ve never been,
And crave your heart in women I’ll never love.
In another life, we loved at the right time.
For now I’m buried under your new memories,
Only finding air when you choose to hate me.

Curious Anger

There will be a day when you don’t cross my mind, and I’ll have evicted you from my heart.
Hearing your name won’t freeze my feet,
And my stare won’t run across the earth.
Your ghost won’t give me hope, and our memories won’t stretch a smile.
Is there any part of me that means something to you?

You Part II

I know these words have already been said to you,
Grab my hand and say that you want this too.
Hold me like you understand what you’re putting me through,
Please love me like I’m somebody new.
Promise we’ll still do the things we used to do.
I didn’t want it to end, but you deserve something I can’t give to you,
I’m only me, I thought that was enough for you

Acceptance

I fell in love with you again,
But you’re not here this time.
It’s on me to break it off,
And let go of what’s no longer mine