feel like the whole world has gone nuts, that i have gone nuts.
that I am broken, and that the world is after me, against me.
I try to run away by proving that they are wrong, everyone i know
is successful. I don’t know what success means but it kills me.
I can’t focus, my head is cloudy and I no longer live in the body
my mother birthed. I listen to the wind, and watch the clouds from my
window, and suddenly I am no longer inside myself. I am out on the
street being run over, and over, and over again by cars that can’t even
see me. It’s a headache.
Fuck this shit. I can’t get back inside; my bones are broken.
I am not loved.
My real body is lying on the couch, being what my mom calls
“a couch potato.” A lazy fucking dunce, that’s me. The guilt deprives
my lungs of oxygen and my heart races but my muscles are as slow
and heavy as all the books that every kid is forced to read about the
history of the world.
What’s my name again, Mom? Do I even have a name anymore? It feels strange
to say on my lips. Well I can’t remember it, but I am sure it
has something to do with the stupidity of my parents genes
making me stupid. I am sure it has to do with all the rotten
scum that made this hell called earth, where there are demons
with sharp teeth and blood craving… blood…to make life
to live…I need a knife.
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