DEATH Poem: The weight of unspoken words, by Alyssa Poole

It is the weight of
Unspoken words that
Drowns me, sinking
Me deeper, deeper, deeper down
Into the abyss of the
Dark, empty forest. Alone—
Fighting? Struggling to stay alive? Or
Did you let go? Haunting
Me is You and
The weight of what’s unspoken.

I hate you Did I love you?
I love you Did I hate you?

It’s not the similar hurt we lived—
It’s not the silence always between us—
It’s not my door slammed shut after a fight—
It’s not the illusion you cast for others—
It’s not the hate I don’t know if I experienced–
It’s not the uncomfortable feeling of seeing you—
It’s not the stored-away urn—
It’s the weight of unspoken words that kills me.

I miss you, I
Think. But
Shhh, don’t tell. I wonder if
You’re looking at me from
The afterlife. I wonder if
You regret me. I wonder if
You loved me.

Mama, so many unspoken words.
Mama, now that you’ve died.