They pucker like they just sucked on a lemon and press their wet lips
against mine
Knocking at the closed door of my mouth with their tongue,
They sink their teeth into my neck until the blood pools in painful black oval,
I’m not brave enough to say “stop”
After all I don’t want to disappoint, right?
They smell like him and I don’t say anything,
I carry the shame for the next two weeks
I kiss the concrete with my forehead
And hold hands with a cigarette
No one seems to believe that someone half my size could possibly do this to me
I feel so small
The hours feel like days,
The years feel like minutes,
Locked alone in my own past and trying to claw my way out,
The white walls of the shower mock me,
I forget to wash the shampoo out of my hair again
The a violent history doesn’t hold onto these things
It surprises you with them
It smells them in the grocery store and becomes nauseous
It hears their voice in that of someone you love
It tastes them when you bite your tongue
And it makes you thankful for the numb
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