BALLAD Poem: Untitled, by Natalia Miller

I think about
How my knuckles
Would feel
Being cut against your teeth

And how my hands
Pressed against
Your left side
Pushing on your ribs

Maybe my mouth
Didn’t reach above
Your belt buckle
Enough times

I love you so much better in my head

I think about what could’ve been done
What I want to do sometimes
What I wish I did
I only feel like that sometimes.

Once upon a time you didn’t let me play with your hair
And then I was lathering toner into it
Now your roots have grown in
But I still remember your hairline and the details

What your sideburns feel like
And the cuticles on your fingernails
How the bottom of your heels
Laid on top of my ankles

I remember everything most days
And then there are others
Where I’m more gracious
More ferocious

When I wish I could have knocked
Blood out of your nose
Or answered your calls
And hear you cry out

Or when I might slightly grin
And wave at you
Fifty feet away
When my days are fine

And anger isn’t on my mind
I forgive you most of the time
Because I remember
How your heart belonged to mine