GRIEF Poem: A Message I’ll Never Send, by Jennifer Orellana

They say that if you write it down,
it stops hurting.
So here I am,
sending words,
I know you’ll never read,
hoping they’ll leave my mind,
if only for a moment.

The truth is—
I’m obsessed with you.
Every hour, every minute,
every day.
I’m constantly thinking about you.
I wonder what it’s like
to hold you,
to kiss you,
to hear your laugh
not as a distant echo,
but as a warmth against my skin.

Do you ever think of me?
Even for a single second
On a busy week?
I long for the days
when I used to see you,
when we talked about anything—
everything.
Even though it felt wrong,
it felt so good
to have your counterfeit attention.
Was I only a joke to you?
Did you lose interest,
find someone new—
someone easier to love?
Should I do the same?

But how am I supposed to find
someone better than you?
When you’re everything
I ever dreamed of—
and more.

Maybe I’m a fool,
begging for a single glance
that may never come
I know we’d never work,
know you’d choose someone
simpler—
someone who doesn’t feel
like she’s cursed
with thoughts of you.
Someone who isn ́t me,
never me.

I try not to compare,
but I’ve never had a crush
so strong
it feels like a magnetic field,
pulling me back to you,
again
and again
like gravity to a world
I can never call home.
Now that I know you exist,
how can I love
anyone else?
You’ve cursed me
I’m damned
It feels like I’ll never stop
thinking about you

The worst part is—
you might never know.
Never know
how happy I wanted
to make you.

Maybe I’ll tell you someday,
when my heart
no longer beats
for you.
But I’m sure
you’ll find someone better—
everyone else does.

Still, I’ve never felt this strong
for anyone before.
I’m sorry
you’ll never know.
But I can’t help but wonder—
what if?