PARODY Poem: Bad Rabbits, by Lee Fraser

After Ed Sheeran’s Bad Habits

Every morning on the ground, I see you can’t say no
Every time the sun goes down, you dig a great big hole
In your radish paradise, my garden dreams implode
And each night my veggies pay the toll

My bad rabbits eat my peas; my carrots for stew
Conversations with the neighbours: you go there too
Glaring at my healthy grass, wishing that it would do
Running out of crops to lose, or use, or view

My bad rabbits lead to tunnels under the gate
And I wish I could control all the places they stray
I keep looking for a cage that they cannot escape
Nothing that they can undo, mine through, on cue
My bad rabbits they can chew

Ooh
My bad rabbits they can chew
Ooh
My bad rabbits they can chew

Every good intention ends when the munching starts
You don’t have good manners but you’re clearly very smart
One day you’ll eat something bright
that makes your world go dark
You only know how to go too far

My bad rabbits gonna scoff their way to the grave
Eating random stuff is dumb but they think it’s brave
They are never gonna last if they don’t behave
Try to fix their hutch with screws, kung fu, and glue

My bad rabbits need to stick to clover and hay
Gonna eat the ferns or swan plants one of these days
If they ever think the buttercups are a buffet
There’ll be nothing left to do, renew, bad news
My bad rabbits are confused

Ooh
My bad rabbits are confused
Ooh

They went the wrong way round
Munched ivy from the ground

My bad rabbits ate some bad stuff, now I’m alone
Their migration was a danger; they didn’t know
Wonder if I’ll get some new ones; I probably won’t
Now my garden dreams can bloom anew, it’s true

My bad rabbits’ eyes were wider than their poor tums
All the garden stuff they stole was probably yum
They were looking for escape, now their end has come
I feel bad I let them chew – it’s true; I knew.
My bad rabbits met their doom

Ooh
My bad rabbits met their doom
Ooh
My bad rabbits met their doom