GRIEF Poem: I Was Once, by Anukousalya Anbarasan

I teared up once, out of panic,
As it was my necessity — so basic.

I teared up once, out of fear.
It was when you failed to grasp my whimper.

But I had never teared up once,
As I am,
Of what you are afraid.
You just made me one of you —
Unconscious,
Walking on your tread.

I felt left out once —
Cause I was a fool,
When I was being taken from your hold.

I felt left out once —
As I was mad,
When you lashed at me
With a stick in your hand.

But I had never felt so isolated
In your presence, as I do now —
Scared of what you might think
Of my dreams and plans,
As if I am letting you down
.
You built a world for me,
Which you once failed to grab.
Tell me sure —
Did I want to be part of it,
Though it was you I was glad?

You saw me —
I was just hanging there.
A word from you
To go on — was priceless.
Yet you let me push alone
Into a cave full of bats and rats.
Your dread won over my wellness.

I teared up once again,
For myself
I chose to build my own space,
Hidden in the veil
Of being anxious and solitary,
Among the world’s race.