BODY IMAGE Poem: Carry Your Weight, by Alexandra Grant

From day one the pounds pile on
A consequence from abandonment
Each year more pounds, self loathing, hope forgone
The clothes don’t fit, let’s true x large
Physical Ed a taunt, dress up I hate, my love of self all worn

Self loathing, eat, abandoned, eat, not loved or liked, eat more
The endless cycle ridiculing and defeating all my hope
Of life like all the pretty girls, of dating the boy I adore
So eat some more to numb the pain, until it starts again
The cycle never ending and draining my happiness some more

Why is life this hard, my days a misery
My whole life in this struggle, into my adulthood
More diets than I can count, my attempts making me weary
The worst part yet, attempt and fail, of no success
This weight the years have put on me, the pain and hurt so dreary

I do find love, and it finds me, some men see through the shell
To what’s inside, and love you for your beauty within
My strength and love, my talents too he knows well
He gives me love I desperately need, tries to fill my heart
But I must love myself from within to break this spell

If truth be told some days I am successful
At keeping my disappointments from crowding my mind
But even though I know I must I’m still resentful
The demons that keep taunting me do never quite leave me
More times than not, I try again, yet my attempts uneventful

The struggles are a daily fight for me
To quell the thoughts in my head that stifle
I don’t think it really ever stops or lets me be free
To live my life just for once, feeling beautiful
Not even therapy has staunched my mind, I found no glee

But I’ll still fight it, I have no choice
I didn’t want to always be hurt, suffering the painful
So I must choose to decide to live this out and voice
The torment many like me endure and repress
And even with acceptance or defeat, I still can rejoice