DRAMATIC MONOLOGUE Poem: OCEAN’S A SCARY PLACE, by Evan Baughfman

ANGEL the ANGLERFISH swims toward the ocean surface.)

ANGEL the ANGLERFISH:

They say I’ve got a face only a mother could love, but if that’s true, where is she?
Mom? Is that you?
Ha! Just kidding.
It’s just another rock approached from an awkward angle.
Might be surprised how often I do that—come at things all wrong.
A bit ironic, don’t you think?
An anglerfish who never quite understands the angle.
Always expecting the best from others, only to be met with disappointment time and time
again.
Always lured in by something bright.
A smile. A laugh.
Only to be rejected because of my own grin.

Ocean’s a scary place. But it’s easier to survive if you have teeth.
It’s crazy how many times I’ve been used by others to deflect the unwanted attention of
an overeager suitor. A deranged ex. A predator.
Used like some kind of guard dog. A friend with no benefits.
Ocean’s a scary place. A lonely place.
Especially if you have teeth.

Mom…
Do my fangs jut just like hers?
How would I know? We’ve never met.
She laid her clutch of eggs and ran.
Ocean’s a scary place. Why try to navigate it while being weighed down by family?
My siblings and I hatched in darkness.
Were swallowed up by it, or by things lurking in it that are far worse.
For all I know, I’m the only one still swimming.
Does that make me the strongest? Or the luckiest?
Because I certainly don’t feel lucky.
To live in shadows. To be a shadow to happier fish.

Tell me, when do I get to be somebody’s light?
Not just a silly, deceptive trick.
But truly.
When can I be what helps someone to see the world at its best?
With a face like this, would the world ever care to show me its best?
Do I belong in the dark, with the unseemly and grotesque?

Ocean’s a scary place. Things even eerier than I am call it home.
Take, for example, who—what—I encountered today.
At first, all I heard was a chuckle. Sounded like it could be from a new friend.
I followed the laughter. Discovered its source.
A fissure in the seafloor, glowing red, pulsing warm. Ripped open by last night’s quake.
Tectonics have been busy lately.

Ocean’s a scary place. The giggling—it came from within the gleaming tear.
It came from a face more jarring than my own.
A massive, blanched face, attached to something larger than a whale.
Something impossible. Something trapped but almost free.
Not a friend. Absolutely not a friend.
Though, it pretended to be one.

“Hiya,” it said from between crimson lips. “How nice of ya to say hello!”
But I didn’t say hello. I didn’t say a word.
“Fun’s almost here,” the thing said. “Circus has come to town! There’ll be lotsa lights.
Lotsa cheer.”
And then it cackled. A horrible sound. Not friendly in the least.
Sure, I’ve heard of a clownfish, but this… This was a monster fish.
Rotten fish. Nightmare fish.
Not even a fish.
“Want a balloon?” it asked, reaching out to me with a claw.

I swam away as fast as I could, wanting nothing of what it offered.
But “balloon” gave me an idea.
Don’t know why I’d never thought of it before.
Up.
I could go up.
I should go up.
Up, up, up!
Ocean’s a scary place. But maybe less scary up there.

Should’ve tried this a long time ago.
But that’s the thing about darkness.
Once it gets its hooks in you, it never wants to let you leave.
It fills you so completely, you forget anything else exists.
But now I’m looking up.
I’m swimming up.
Moving on up.
Up, up, up!
Changing my perspective. Trying a different angle.

Trying to see Mom.
Untethered. Without anchors.
Duties fulfilled, wanting something other than a lifetime enveloped in gloom.
She’s light, heaviness discarded beneath her.
Lifting higher and higher.
Maybe she’s up this way, where I haven’t ever looked.
She’s out of the black. She’s a part of the blue.

And, now, so am I.
No longer a shadow.
Finally, shining. Rising.
Giggling.
Part of the blue.

But there’s also green. Yellow. Orange. Pink. Violet.
A vibrant palette. A circus to escape and explore.
Ocean’s a scary place.
But there’s beauty here, too.

End of monologue.