LGBTQ+ Poem: Dosage Loop, by Siobhan Dale

Pleasure lopped, I
Stuttered the axis
Of a line. If I can
Tell you where I
Am what shame of
Yours will find me?
I tend you line of
Ivory loops and
Wean myself on
You – my beauty
Butcher. Threshing
Stash of sweet denial.
What happens if
Deny becomes our
Healer?

When I denied the
Ivory floor I lost
Your hands, swoll
And blood-burst
With accumulating
Color. Orange light.
You lay work to my
Hands and said.
Three bags of
Salt will scorch
The earth.

What will be left
After I confess you
Stole into my folds
A patchwork of
Pleasure light?
Your orange set
Decors my mason
Jars. I fear the blade
Is safe but not the
Butcher.

We began the lop
Goodwell. Brought
Our glue guns to the
Funeral and forgot
The words I am who
I’ve felt inside me.
Your two finger-gun
Hot and heaving detox.
The orange set of light
Reminds me too. I am
Who I have entered.
And you, the butcher
Always begged my
Blades.

All blades beg hurt
Lopped off. All hurt
Lops off sunlight and
A swollen thirst. I asked
Your salt bag to please
Bear with me. A body
Swells one mason jar
With blood. The rest
Is debt in detox. I asked
You hold me through
That dose. Please
Caress the skin of me.
Find me one day as your
Form.

Our form folds
On an axis. Our
Axis folds our
Shame.

Axis our overdose
I suture the narcotic.
If you keep my blades
Embedded we’ll be
Fine. I found you salting
Lines and said please
Seal the earth around
You. I have bodies we
Might rewound inside
Closed doors. The shame
Doored. Not lopped.
The stitch still seals itself
Together. I didn’t want
Butcher as the regardless
Of what blades you left
I still repeat your name.
I still repeat the orange
Gun in wait, the recharge
At the funeral. The salt
Gull bags and axis wanting.
I am still wanting.

The want sicked itself
A pleasure. If I can find
Her I’ll beg the pleasure
Off. Lopped off three
Hallucinations, still
Played survival verse.
Please wane yourself
The dose and bladed
Words.

All we are is
Words in dose.

Every day my dose.
Every dose lops blood
behind a mouth and
finds me. Please
come find me. I am
your body in overdose
of bleeds.