Just remember: I was a boy when you left.
If you came to me now, you would find an old man.
If only Daedalus would lend me his wings of audacity,
wings to fly, to soar to you. I have, yes, been designing a flying machine.
To sweep through the Venetian air, cross the Giocondan ramparts– to see you.
Once, once more, Sweetness. Thought you could pack up your Smile, & leave me?
Yet– look there– it remains! With me! Blessing me! Cursing me– with hope: you will return.
Smiling. Ever smiling. Come ba-a-a-a-a-ck to me.
You were cruel, to leave. For I loved you with Everything. All my thoughts. All my Heart.
All my Hope. All my Soul. Each day I awaken, to your eyes. Your eyes welcome me. Your
face guides me. Your mouth teaches me.
So many new maps to navigate this new world– but for my world–
only one, true compass– your face. Your smile.
Your eyes, come to clasp hands with mime.
When I’d press my ear to you, the pounding of my heart would move in rhythm to yours.
Until you’d hear my heart– pounding– inside you.
Pressed so close. This close. Just like this. You kiss. This day.
So many days– seasons– years– We’d work hard. To en-capture your smile.
On this bit of canvas. We invented: new paints. New colors. New brushstrokes.
Layering on your smile. Alchemy became our sorcerer of wizardry. Our genie.
Serving us this primordial cry. This grimace. This Smile. Toil became our wine, our bread,
our sacrament. “Smile for me.” Am left– bereft. Am left –alone.
With just shreds of what you wore. To make you smile. For me. Forever.
Have painted your face in a blue-green landscape of blue and green, cool tones so they will
outlast the yellowing of time: This landscape of Barren cliffs and roaming waters–
You watched me paint one line outward. Just one, thin bridge where a man might cross.
—To escape from a visit to the Circean wonders of you.
No he can’t. No, I can’t. That face– you see it? Look close– designed by nature?
By God? By me? Or by you, my love– to lure me in?
To Mysterious loving & gradual embracing.
Always taking me in, always welcoming, forever loving, understanding–.
& Comforting. Always possessing with heart and soul, your body, those eyes!
And, that smile. Is it a smile? No one, no one, no one Knows.
Here– with me–I see all my life was– is– all my life IS you.
My life– all I am -the substance of my life– is, you. Where did you go?
To Venice? Or back to the Tuscany of your youth? Why leave? When you went through that
door– you took my life– my world. Now when I lift the window up, or pull the door open–
Only a shadow of you returns.
Through the window; the door: your shadow haunts everything.
I wander searching –imagining you might be– behind the mirror,
or in this pale pale capturing of you. I see you as if in the mirror, the one up there–
the one intended brings in more light, to flush out the darkness why can’t! it! Bring! In! You!
You are not yet dead to me. That, is my curse. I want you back. Till then?
-I live like a Copernicus: Waiting for a comet: hoping to be alive when you return.
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