BODY IMAGE Poem: body, by Sofia Joyner

i don’t like to eat
it’s nothing against food, i just don’t like to consume it
i want to be a model
you can’t be fat when you’re a model;
you have to be skinny
and you can’t be skinny if you eat all the time

i am lenient with myself though
i allow myself two full meals a day
i eat normally when i’m with someone else, but if nobody is watching,
i don’t have to
i give myself snacks though
fruits, protein bars, the usual
i do allow myself a packet of ramen in the occasion
i keep it tucked away so it’s hard for me to reach

my parents don’t know about my condition
it’s nobody else’s business but mine

i do workout quite a bit as well
if one has chosen the profession i have, you can’t just be skinny
you have to be toned as well
i work on my abs a lot,
they receive the brunt of the attention
my arms are flimsy; i don’t need watermelon muscles
i work on my legs as well
running, walking, jumping, dancing
anything really
my backside is alright too, but my breasts receive more attention

i don’t have to work on those
they’re big on their own
i can’t fix anything about them, without surgery, that is
i don’t mind them though
they’re not what gets in the way

i like the way i am
when i look at myself in the mirror, after i haven’t eaten in a while, i like what i see
i don’t think people would understand though nowadays, body positivity is crucial
but i like when i look thin
but people don’t like that
people think i am living up to an unhealthy standard, but it’s only my own

sometimes it’s hard to stay on schedule
food is tempting
but i remind myself that when i do eat,
i feel uncomfortable, not welcome in my own body
i don’t think they’re negative thoughts,
just gentle reminders

it’s okay that people don’t understand they don’t need to
only me
it’s my body