DRUGS Poem: The Look in Your Eyes, by Vince Soldano

You sit there, across from me
at the table— that look in your
hazel eyes, the look of disgust,
yet, it was all you— everything
you accuse me, were things
that you did, things you are guilty of.
All I ever did was love you—
blindly and regrettably.
You were the one to stop fighting
for this relationship, for us.
You were the one who gave up—
decided that it would be only you
that you cared about, leaving me behind
to pick up the pieces.

What has led me to this—
to stay here knowing I
will never be happy again
as long as I am with you?
What was it that I did wrong
for you to not want me anymore—
to not love me anymore—
to not desire me anymore?
There were so many times when
I stayed silent, not saying the things
I wanted and should have said.
There were so many times where I
hid the pain of being with you,
hid the sorrow in my soul because of you.
I wish I was never afraid of losing you
to the point I’d become complacent
in what has become our life together.

That look in your eyes, the look of someone
who hasn’t slept in a few days—
because you’ve remained high,
choosing that drug over me.
Without even caring how i may feel,
you say that the drugs make you feel
happier than I ever have, trying to hurt me.
The drugs, have started to rule your life,
and became a major control in our relationship,
without my consent— I just became complacent,
even though I tried to save you from destroying
yourself, your life, and us— eventually giving up.
When you’re high you go off into your own world,
forgetting me, not caring about me, and hurting me—
you have become a slave of the pipe and the feeling
it gives you, a euphoria I could never provide,
even with all my love and affection, so I just stopped.

You laugh at me, knowing how naive I am—
knowing that you have me trapped in
your web of lies, deceit, and confusion.
You think you’ve won, yet truly you have lost—
you’ve lost that once innocent nineteen year old
boy that fell in love with you, for he has been
replaced by a young man that dwells in pain,
self-loathing, and sorrow, that love that once
was there has died and has turned to hate.
You destroyed the joy and the magic that once
resided in my heart— a love that was pure.

That look in your eyes— that look of antipathy,
is one that you should have towards yourself.
I gave up on feeling anything other than it
towards you, if anything I feel only pity for you.