ELEGY Poem: The Day My Mother’s Mother’s Mother Died, by Michal Sextion

For Ollie Ambrose

My mother’s grief sounds like her joy
When she laughs
her diaphragm falls into her stomach
When she cries
her lungs carry her heart’s ache

I try to run away from both.
I don’t hide very well.
My eyes are only shut.

Her grief and joy skip
into my dreams holding hands

I ask them,
What do you want?
Her grief holds my face.
Shouts my name.

Your mother’s (mother’s) mother is gone

My mother asks
Why does everyone leave

I have no answer
I have no breath

My mother sucked all
of the air
even my air
out of the air
and her wailing follows
my mother’s mother’s mother
soul
out
out

I use the exhale
to inhale.
I don’t cry.
I don’t want it
to be confused
for joy.

There are no tears from
my mother
her anger

guilt

burns them before
they are free

I let her borrow
mine.

Eventually
my mother’s grief
leaves with her joy
skipping, holding hands

from dreamless dreams

we sit