GRIEF Poem: Untitled, by Andrew Mollenkof

She had carried the baby in her body
Held it close as a secret
And I had thought of responsibility
And quavered at the thought of it
Wondering why God would
Make me
Give up me
To care for another
To wipe their little ass
My fingers wet with shit
Towel off their vomit
Stay up with them nights
Not playing my insipid video games
Postpone my failing novel
How dare this baby ask for that?
I resented the life that it wanted.
But how could I know
What it would not get?

I smiled at the ultrasound. There
Was a gaping void, a missing
Star, a pearl-less pearl. And I
Smiled into the emptiness. And
My wife did not understand why.
I had to smile
Because if I didn’t I would have
Been swept away. I was
Swimming and would have been
Devoured, drowned, dashed and done
and sometimes you smile
To the executioner not because
You are smart, kind, sly, or strong
But because it is the wrong thing
To do in a situation
That will never be
Right.

Author: poetryfest

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