The taste buds have accumulated.
Of all the things to enter my mouth—
All my wants and my doubts
Are ideas and promises that I’ve debated.
Please listen to the creaking walls of this house
I suffer in the silence in my mother’s nightgown
She passed it to me when it wore off its beauty
Tattered and faded are these flowers and ruffles
Cast away to someone like me; I’m such a darling
Or maybe a vindictive villain who leaves in cuffs
Never has she ever known how to love-touch;
My taste buds have acquired a love.
The blood of my misfortunes
The long nights that torment
My pillows turned yellow from
My acidic tears
I bleed, I weep, I beg, and I plead
For mercy,
Mercy please, because I’ve been earning—
Love, just to have enough
Never more than I deserve
Nothing more than I’ve earned
Tasting my own tears running in parallel streaks
Games that play and seek
I’ve acquired a taste for deceit
Lying to those close to me
If only to save face for another day.
I’ve been ashamed
My love, my unwanted affections, my impositions
Never can I be less,
Cups so full to the brim when I enter the room
The loves of my life sitting a few feet away
So close but never can I touch
Or caress the cheeks I so admire
And all these writes become about him
He is the undercurrent
Something so reoccurring
Lightning blue eyes
Stunning and wicked displays
Enticing in all the right ways
Eyes I could beg to examine each and every part of me
A body so full and soft
I love to watch you walk away
The shapes, the curves, the round sway of hips
Back and forth.
I smell you in the elevator
Despite your previous exit
I want to hug you
Cherish, touch, and tongue you
But you don’t see me
Said it yourself
I’m just too young
Which translates to me
That I’m not desirable enough even to fuck
Never tempted you or was enough
But perhaps this lesson I’ve learned
About taste and touch and memory
Is how gently eyes can hold someone;
And while we’ve never touched with fervor
I still remember the feeling of your curls
As I braided your hair
Hands shaking with hypersensitivity
Wishing I could capture the moment infinitely
A picture, a smile and a laugh
A photo to press to my chest
I’ve learned that I can choose to be alone
I can find a home within myself
If I sit down and build it
Building my affections upon another
Was never sustainable
And I would hope
To continue to learn
That beauty tastes good
If only I’d let it
And discover it.
Taste is consent
Taste is an incredible testament
I am real in these moments
I hunger, I hunger
Please replace my apathy with something stronger
I seek, I seek
To be free from love’s infliction on me
Is it freewill or a godsdamned choice?
Taste me and see me
I ache to be tangible
Feel me
I’m soft and warm
I would weather all the storms
My shoulders are free to lean on
I want to taste you, though I wonder,
Could you ever want to taste me too?
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