Author: poetryfest

I have to tell you about the river.
My constant companion.
This place lonely…
So far from my big city.
Your touch, like the river
Life changing with seasons.
Migration patterns.

Your attention, like the river.
Ebbing and flowing, delighting and exhausting
Flooding, rushing – bringing life.
Churning and murky. Unclear.
Poof!
No warning. Dried up.
Worry left in its absence.

Did you know you are life giving?
Did you know you are destruction?
Did you know?

Once I thought I could float.
I drown.

Sinking down –
The ocean that keep us apart;
Deep blue sea
Blending with the blue on my heart

Salty water tastes sweet
For those used to tears;
Running down, burning up –
The open wounds
Of a sore crux

I’ve been swimming,
Swimming
Reach nowhere.
When I do – am I scared –
You will no more
Be round there

Pinkies lay next to each other
They align at the same time
A small rush enters my chest
We sit in the backseat….in darkness
Our driver and her companion are blind to our mischief
We’re only shadows
And as the radio plays
I belt out notes….to distract myself
Your hand rest adjacent to mine
Fingers talking
Only until, your pinky moves to play
It plays with mine
They frolic around and now there’s heat…somewhere within me
A rush from a small touch
Finally….you pull my fingers to interlace with yours
My heart feels so wanted and I want more…more
Our hands now lounge around my thigh
I thanked myself for wearing such a short dress!
We unlock and your fingers trace circles….up towards where there is warmth
You scribble my name, then yours
You take my hand and place it in the center of your lap
The texture of your jeans are rigid, and bumpy, and difficult
My fingers still traces the outline of you there
Our driver is focused, she sings as she leads us through the nights darkness
We’re hidden but not all
Her passenger turned to us to speak, then changes his mind
His eye caught your hand inside my thigh
My thumb strokes against the stitch of your zipper
I felt what I already knew….was waiting for me

Somewhere, the lines became blurred,
and we found ourselves caught, fighting
against the currents of lustful desire.
Seldomly, we surrender–about as rare

as the Sapphire gemstone. We concede
that it is true–a door has been opened
into each other’s thoughts and minds, and
a gravitational pull forces our bodies

toward one another. Only for a day, we
admit our defeat. And then we continue
living our separate lives as two people,
swimming in two oceans, against two

currents flowing toward one another. And
when our fantasies of a soft touch–finally
giving into the temptation, a passionate
kiss, or an act of intimacy, grows too

strong, the cycle repeats. We lose our
fights and ride the currents back to what
we had craved. Maybe it’s because we
fill in the missing parts of each other.

Or maybe, it’s that we know it will never
truly be–regardless of what it is, what
sparks this attachment, comfortability,
and affinity, the cycle continues repeating

If sand is the embodiment of time
Then I’m…
Going to collect it all and become it’s keeper
That way, when I meet Mr Reaper
I can flip my hourglass around
To recapture the sound
Of every heartbeat that fluttered by
Of every moment my ribs caged butterflies
Of every time I uttered “I love you”
Of the moment you stuttered “I do”
Pictures may be worth a thousand words
But your voice, Firefly, deserves to be heard
For infinite lifetimes and more
I used to collect seashells that came across the seashore
To recapture this moment of meeting this girl from my dreams
But now that I met you in real life it seems
Like the shells are decorating the exuberant amount of sand
I’ve collected just to forever hold your hand

Her beachcomber swimsuit
Embellished with glitter
Shining in the sun
Was like a midsummer’s dream
Her body moving like a fish
In a crystal lake
The aqua blue water
Covered her skin like a mid spring adventure
Shining as a porcelain doll would
Her hair straight like a pipe
The water dripping from her hair like a beautiful waterfall
Her eyes sky blue and glowing
Her hourglass body moving through the water as a turtle may
Her lips like clouds in the sky
She is a Jamaican Dream

If I had three lives, I’d probably marry you in two of them.
On the third I’d maybe be a writer at a small corner cafe, trying to pen you into existence
knowing something is missing
Not knowing it’s you
I’d be writing, trying to fill that void of uncertainty
With every stroke of a pen
The ink formulates a different aspect and part of your everlasting beauty
I’d type out your eyes
Draw your nose
Etch your lips
But your heart..
Your heart is different
That is the one thing I couldn’t write on paper
It’s something I would have to write in the stars
Something I would have to learn about day and night and never fully grasp
Because your heart is so incredibly pure that not even a saint could write down the depth of its
beauty.

John Waters was right:
live for filth.
I see the grit between your teeth even as
you gasp for air. Tell me,
do little creatures scream for mercy as you
rip them apart? You did.
You’re the littlest filthy creature of them all,
cowering and squirming while you
hump my boot.
Your teeth gnash. Your eyes bug out.
You look awfully silly, little dear,
with all the life squeezed out of you.
The blood is the life, Mister Renfield.
Blood is filth.
I am the filthiest person undead.
You seem to be wondering if the filth killed you!
Live a life of sin, face death with a hard-on.
Sorry–face death head on. Unsatisfied.
But I’ll be kind, and let you ruin my pants as the last glimmer of light leaves your eyes.
Don’t worry, little creature–
I always tip my queens.

First Loss

Sit beside me,
Don’t hold my hand,
Wipe your tears,
You should leave if you can.

Pause our dreams,
Those seas can wait,
I’ll love you forever,
If you come back one day.

Change your mind,
Stay up for a while,
Don’t shut your eyes,
I’ll miss your smile.

Dream with me,
Feed me tea,
Repeat to me
our memories.

Bloodshot eyes,
Tears gone dry,
You’re fading quick,
I’m losing my smile.

The moonlight paints
Your canvas hair,
I open my eyes,
And you’re not there.

Your mother’s voice,
“She had no choice”

You left me sleeping
on your couch,
You took my heart
far down south.

No kiss goodbye,
More sleepless nights.
I’ll miss you most,
In my dreams tonight.

Don’t set me free,
Don’t spare my plight,
A heart that’s yours,
is forever mine.

You

It plays back like a movie,
But I can’t remember your voice.
Does your laugh sound the same?
Do you still groan when your mother calls your name?
I had a dream where I told you,
All the words I could never say,
And the fear that I felt without you, after you took my smile away.
If I told you how much I love you,
It’d always be a lie,
I could never put it into words, even when you begged me to try.
It’d make my year to know you’re okay,
Can my ears borrow your voice, even if it’s only a day?
I’ve been trying so hard not to look for your heart,
My reflection is the best I can do,
I look into my eyes and all I see is you

An Unsent Letter

Everyday I think of you walking through the doors of whatever room I’m in, without
context or logic. You made me feel safe, I’m sorry about everything. You were the very first
person who’s loved me without hurting me, and went above and beyond. At the time I was so
shaken from dealing with things that came before you- I couldn’t open up due to years of trauma,
abuse from countless people. You’re my favorite person, I still listen to Porno Witch, I still listen
to Teenage Blue. I’ve been trying so hard to cope with the OCD and Bipolar stuff and it’s been
absolute hell, but I know I can get through it because you did and I was so proud to hear about
the progress you made. Your heart looks a lot like mine, I meant it in the first letter, I mean it in
this one. Please, please play piano and sing and do whatever the hell you want you girly-girl.
Tall, curly girly, you’re not intimidating.

Thief

I forced myself to forget,
And now I can’t remember.
The sound of your laugh,
Echoed throughout my September.
If for some reason you decide,
That I was enough,
Please come find my heart,
They’ve always kept in touch.
You stole a big part of me,
But I’d let you take more.
If you want me forever,
I’ll always be yours.

Smiley

I see your smile in places you’ve never been,
And crave your heart in women I’ll never love.
In another life, we loved at the right time.
For now I’m buried under your new memories,
Only finding air when you choose to hate me.

Curious Anger

There will be a day when you don’t cross my mind, and I’ll have evicted you from my heart.
Hearing your name won’t freeze my feet,
And my stare won’t run across the earth.
Your ghost won’t give me hope, and our memories won’t stretch a smile.
Is there any part of me that means something to you?

You Part II

I know these words have already been said to you,
Grab my hand and say that you want this too.
Hold me like you understand what you’re putting me through,
Please love me like I’m somebody new.
Promise we’ll still do the things we used to do.
I didn’t want it to end, but you deserve something I can’t give to you,
I’m only me, I thought that was enough for you

Acceptance

I fell in love with you again,
But you’re not here this time.
It’s on me to break it off,
And let go of what’s no longer mine

You are pounding heartbeats I cannot calm
Silky brown hair, beautiful and long
You are the tenderness of a hateful world
You are soft kisses with toes curled

And you are mornings filled with chilling fear
You are the promise that pain will always be near

And maybe I can be with you when society has healed
But right now, you’re the love I am too afraid to feel.