Author: poetryfest

Your smile is in memory,
Your mind I ponder.
In your eyes I search,
For something fonder.
Yet, I am at a dead end,
A log in the road,
And in my throat,
I croak like a toad.
What was once mine, now ceases.
I stand here, no smile
But, my mouth still creases.
I am empty and still,
A void appears that can’t be filled.
You stare back,
A deer in headlights.
Now, there are still tracks on my path.
But, not as prominent as the last.
There are new tracks on the road.
And, I wonder on your new path,
How far will you go?

November 6 2024

Talking endlessly and without reason,
I should have something to say,
something to tell you that would help you on your way,
I pause,
ready to speak,
yet nothing,
not even something little,
not even something great,
just silence,
silence so small,
so cogent,
it cause the earth to shake,
mountains to move,
and eventually,
you move with them.

Words can be powerful,
words can be true,
yet I used silence as a weapon against you.

A warm ember that revives
The icy void that froze me from within
Whispers carried on the breeze like autumn leaves
Unveiling a beauty that forever ascends

My desire once depleted
Scarred from the burns that sear
Until you flared the torch of my soul
Illuminating my path of darkness when all seemed unclear

I felt the force of a sapphire storm in your gaze
A bond that crystallized as your hand fell into mine
The arid landscape transforms into a welcoming haven
Vibrant and bright as our souls intertwine

I wandered through the twilight of my own shadow
In the most fragile hours of endless longing
Mapping the contours that led me back home
In the crevices of your love, i have found my place of belonging

I studied her smile, how the corners of her mouth stretched wide.
I once admired it, called it infectious—before the scales fell from my eyes. Now, I can’t unsee
the leviathan behind the mimic.
She tells a good story; I’ll give her that.
Every part of me wants to believe her eyes aren’t constantly inventorying, her ears relentlessly
monitoring. She studied me long before I was aware. I shared my values, my desires—and she
built my trust. It should be a crime.

Each word, disguised as inspiration, was a strategic seed planted in my fertile mind, discouraging
me from questioning her hollow rhetoric.
My affections turned to contempt. While I invested in connection, she collected data.
I’ve been her involuntary marionette.

I was blinded by her flattery. It chased my mother’s cold criticisms away. Suddenly, I wasn’t 8
years old in front of a full-length mirror; I was deserving of a stage, a gem buried beneath layers
of neglect. Waiting for someone to see the potential missed by those who claimed to love me.
With her, I wasn’t invisible. I was someone worth seeing. Her impromptu invitations came at the
perfect moment. Rare for me to feel welcomed instead of tolerated. She shared fears and dreams
and made me believe she was invested in mine.

What caused her to target my naive senses? Our motivations couldn’t be more distant—like the
corners of her sinister smile, painted over a parasitic soul.
My new knowledge forces me to recycle each conversation, to analyze the subtleties I missed:
the timely gaze after a compliment, the probing questions disguised as interest.

Her friendship entered my life on a Trojan Horse.
As I toss her betrayals around, twisting the knife deeper into my heart, my motivations evolve:
Authenticity bartered for strategy. Trust through the lens of gain. Surrender overpowered by
greed.

I have the capacity to meet her in her deception. My eyes can hold secrets, too. Her surprise will
prove she underestimated my genuine heart. A lesson I’m willing to teach. She’ll regret
provoking my attention.

But—
I consider: will engaging her in her arena consume me? At what cost will I master the faux
smile?
I pity her. Character will always be foreign to her ambitions. It must be exhausting fooling
unsuspecting allies along her path to nowhere.
Beating her at her own game may offer temporary pleasure, but it’s a dangerous game.

She must have realized the value of my innocence, or she wouldn’t have tried to ravage it.
No. I’ll alchemize this contempt I interpreted as engagement.
Perhaps arrows of dishonesty are dulled by sincerity. Maybe outstretched smiles disguise even
the owner disarmed by integrity. The illusion of power is limited to the fool willing to trade
integrity for malevolence. Her competencies aren’t proof of strength. They’re evidence of a void.

As our eyes met in this moment of silent understanding, her confident, pierced lips melted into
uncertainty. The once pointed corners dragged her cheeks into a frown. An empty frown.
My stunted gaze alchemized into windows of my uncalloused heart. In this moment, my
substance was shaken but not broken, and her pathetic agenda diminished to a whisper.
The only thing more powerful than evil is the intentionality to do good in an evil world.

i don’t know your last name
but tonight it can be mine too

two strangers playing pretend
something in between loneliness and love

my fingers dancing on your skin
like you exist only to be admired by me

like we just put the kids to bed
and now we finally get to be alone

and you’re holding me like you know all my secrets and i almost say i love you because it feels
so real

Yesterday morning I drove to Fort Bragg
With my African basket and recycled bag.
Fresh out of chocolate! I had to get more,
“Good morning, young lady,” said the man in the store.

Should I forgive him because of his youth?
No, I think it’s better that he learn the truth.
“I’ll not be cajoled by your flattering tongue,
I am not a lady and I am not young.

“One month ago I turned seventy-two
I’ll bet I’m thirty years older than you.
I’m losing my teeth and I’m losing my hair,
And now I’ve lost my bifocals, I don’t know where.

“I live surrounded by things I can’t find
But that doesn’t mean that I’m losing my mind.
I know where it is: it’s right here in my head
And I plan to keep using it till I am dead.

“Now I’ve got my chocolate, I’ll be on my way
I’ve enjoyed talking with you here today.
I’ve made myself clear? I don’t need to say more?”
“Sure thing, young lady,” said the man in the store.

You told me all I needed to know
The night we met
Not directly
But through stories
Quick mentions
Freudian slips
I knew you had abandonment issues
No longer believed
In love
In happiness
You didn’t deserve it

But I could feel myself melt
Immediately
Not in a way
Where I ignored these things
Wanted to fix you
Wanted to save you
I loved you
With these things
Along with everything else
Because Iooking at you
In your eyes
Just for a second
I could see my own damage
And I knew
What you feel is not fixable
It’s permanent
And I’d love to stay for it

Dear God,

Im here
Here on my knees,
Here once again,
My head held low,
Here on my knees with my head held low and my eyes glued closed.

Im here
And I haven’t been here
Haven’t been for so long So long
Do you even remember?
Do you
Remember
All those questions The worries The stresses
Is that in your recollection because I didn’t—
find myself,
here,
Again.

I’d beg, get up,
And even sometimes
I’d get right back down,
And I’d pray
Because bright minds prayed,
Because that’s what they said
And I’d go,
Every Sunday,
Even when I didn’t
Even on those, On those mornings
Where the hairs stood up and the sheets were cold and pops said “Stand Up!”
But I
But I didn’t want—
To “Stand Up!”
But he’d come in and he’d make me “Stand Up!”
Because we were going— So I’d go,
Every Sunday,
Even when I didn’t
Curtis

Want — To go.

And I don’t know if your there or anywhere
Do you listen— watch, do you make changes
Because sometimes we’d drive
And we’d get
To the store
And there’d be
No more
Parking
But one spot
Just one
Placed so perfectly
Right
Next — To the door

And my dad would go
“Oh Thank god”
And I
I thought
I thought oh
Oh how funny that is
That’s so funny
Because did
Did he do
That
That right there
That spot
That perfectly placed spot
Because the woman walked out the store and got in her car at eleven forty-two
And we had pulled in– to the parking lot at eleven forty-one
And the car that was right in front of us just happened
Just happened to of picked
The lane
Just before this lane because it wasn’t
Plain
As day
That this lane
Had a woman
Backing out
Of her spot
And I think
Curtis

I think
It’s a little
Just a little funny
Oh
It’s so funny
How My dad
My dad
Would go
Oh Thank God

But maybe I’m taking
Things
Just a little, just a little too serious
Because I understand, I Understand
That it’s just a saying
And I use
All the saying
All the time
And sometimes
Pops would hear now filled with fear
Oh, how he could never bear to hear the Lord’s
All mighty name
In vain
And he’d yell at me
His eyes
Clouded
By crosses
This scene of pride, but I
I didn’t get, I never got
That pride
So I used
All the sayings
All…
The time

And even
Even when I– was no longer here
Here on my knees,
My head held low,
Here on my knees with my head held low and my eyes glued closed.
I’d keep using, using those saying
Saying them all the time
Curtis

Because I, because I stopped, stopped believing
In you
In Heaven
Or Hell
Sin and Fate
I stopped getting on my knees
And I
I told myself
That I
I was was free
And that I
Never again
Would I
Talk
To you…

If you are,
There—
Do you see
See the days, the days we go through
How few are good and the so many– we see
And we say
“God help them”
Do you help them, do you watch
As people die, in war, on streets
Do you condemn the actions
Of those
Whom we could never imagine
In their darkest hour
Because If you … Are… There…
My friend died—
And I, I think, I think, Yeah, I think, I think that’s on you

But Oh Dear God,

I’m not here
Here to blame you
Or change
That of which I think of you
But right now, right now I’m stuck
And life, life has been hard
So god I hope, I hope you know
Curtis

That I
I am just about
At my, my limit, my breaking point
So I’m here
Im here
Here on my knees,
Here once again,
My head held low,
Here on my knees with my head held low and my eyes glued closed,
Because I’m stuck, because I need help, because I have questions—

Because I need answers.
Answers while I’m still here on my knees with my head held low and my eyes glued closed.

So will you answer me God,

Or will I open my eyes for one final time.

Riding on a carousel, round and round we go,
Joyce’s special horse, up and down, fast and
slow.
With painted eyes that seem to come alive,
Bringing joy and laughter as we ride and strive.

The music plays, a merry tune so sweet,
Our hearts lift up, our worries retreat.
On Joyce’s special horse, we feel so free,
Like soaring through the clouds, as high as can
be.

Each revolution brings a new delight,
A moment of pure magic, shining bright.
We forget our troubles, just for a while,
And bask in the joy of a carefree smile.

So let’s hold on tight, as we ride along,
On Joyce’s special horse where we belong.
For in this moment, all worries cease,
And we find our hearts at last, in perfect peace.

Underneath the sun’s warm glow,
Joyce and Daniel’s faces all aglow.
Picnic in the park, music in the air,
Their laughter ringing without a care.

Sandwiches and fruits in their basket,
Chirping birds, a soothing racket.
Guitar strums, sweet melodies flow,
In this moment, time moves slow.

The green grass beneath their feet,
Nature’s beauty, oh so sweet.
Their hearts full of love and cheer,
In each other’s company, so dear.

As they bask in the peaceful scene,
Their souls feeling light and clean.
Joyce and Daniel, hand in hand,
Together in this magical land.

So let’s take a cue from their day,
Find joy in the simple way.
Picnic in the park, music in your ear,
Let happiness and love draw near.

In the park, where the sun shines bright,
Joyce plays her music, bringing delight.
Her melodies float through the air,
Adding magic to the atmosphere.

Kids laugh and dance around the carousel,
Spinning, twirling, under its magical spell.
The music and laughter blend as one,
Creating memories that will never be undone.

Outdoors, the golfer swings with grace,
Hitting the ball to the perfect place.
Each stroke filled with skill and power,
Enjoying every moment, every hour.

The music, the carousel, the golfer’s swing,
Each one a gift that life will bring.
So take a moment, soak it all in,
Let the joy of the moment begin.

In a world of music and travel so bright,
Joyce the musician, with her carousel in sight.
Kind and intelligent, with a heart so true,
She traveled the world, bringing joy to you.

From Norway’s fjords to Italy’s vineyards so
grand,
In every corner of the world, she lent a helping
hand.
Her melodies echoed through the streets,
Bringing people together, making them
complete.

With her violin in hand, she played with grace,
Capturing hearts in every place.
Her music spoke of love and peace,
Uniting souls, bringing them release.

Joyce, the world traveler, on her carousel of
dreams,
Spreading happiness, or so it seems.
In every note she played, in every song she
sang,
She touched the hearts of all, like a bell that
rang.

So let us follow Joyce’s lead,
Spreading kindness and joy, in every deed.
For in a world so vast and wide,
It’s the little things that make us feel alive.