Author: poetryfest

Each privilege granted
To those who deserve
To experience such rewards;
To those who are good
And those who are holy

But for me,
Whom I assumed to be good
And holy in my own way,
In my own eyes–
I am given a white rose

I never understood
Why he had handed me such a gift
It made no sense
For a man late to his meeting
To assign me a flower

Who are you,
Accepting the bare bones
Only adorned
With small specks of remaining meat,
To give good people flowers?

How have you nourished
Such beauty?
Jupiter’s water?
Or the treasured liquid of misery
That you have chosen to rule?

You are a liar!
There was no good within this rose
Only disease-ridden pollen
And a blackened
Abyss

I challenge your existence
I refuse your beliefs
I deny the person you are
Hidden under your skin
I pluck your petals

I hate you
I despise you
Everything you stand for
You are worthless to me
I pluck your petals

I suppose that if I lie to myself
And offer you the thoroughly damaged flower
With the chewed stem
Will you accept it once more?
I pluck your petals

My tears flood my lungs
I am strangled
I am drowning
Do your job, damn you!
I pluck your petals

I hate you
I love you
You break me
I hate me
I accept you

There is no more.
Nothing but a stem remains
With teeth marks
In the soft, fuzzy, green flesh
Your petals strewn across the floor

Life is the thin screen
I am outdoors in the sunlight
I forgot the sun had existed
And I forgot that air could be crisp and clean
Your petals dry upon the floor

You are beautiful
I feel you around me
Your dried petals laced along my skin
White upon white they vanish
Becoming scars and scabs

I drown within you,
Your beauty,
Your misery,

Grief.

The moss appeared on my skin two days ago
I had heard of the moss, seen it on others
Mostly in movies
A few young people
Mostly I saw it on old people
The moss was so dark, so grown in
It was part of any elder’s skin
When I saw the moss on me
I jumped in the shower
Ran the water so hot
In hopes the moss would fall off of my skin
But instead I wiped away the foggy mirror
Looked at my puffy eyes and moss shoulders
I didn’t look like me, not the me that I know
And others could tell too
All the virgin shoulders and their sympathetic eyes

Yesterday the moss grew quick
It outlines my body like depression glow
The worst part about it is
Sometimes I forget the moss is there
I laugh or dance or watch shitty TV
And sometimes it’s like I’ll never have to
live with it

The moss and me, we’re trying to be friends
As much as you can be
With anything that breaks your heart
Or anything
That makes you feel like a total drama queen
I know everyone’s moss grows differently
Everyone treats it differently
Some let it free and others
Act as if the moss is poisonous
They clip it or engulf themselves in flames
trying to burn it away
Not me and my moss, no way
Sometimes it’s a blanket and a movie reel
of our memories together
Sometimes it’s as prickly as a cactus
Needles point out of skin and I warn people
to stay away
Like I’m something sharp, dangerous
Because that’s how it feels
Somehow the moss is both soft and painful
Damaging and bursting with love

I’m not moss-covered yet, more in moss limbo
Waiting for it to swallow me whole
And when it does, and it will soon
I hope time will grow flowers
In all of my crevices
I hope I will turn towards the sky
And think of her

I know you in proximity
To the past and in the distance
You’re still all around me
No, really, in the present
You’re in the cafe down the street
In the stories our friends tell me
You’re no longer a force I can reach

I played a futile game
One that only the desperate try
Once I’d extended my hand as far as it would go, I waited
But you never reached my way

I didn’t say anything
Because in that moment, it was heard
The clearest answer you could muster
And you never said a word.

I could’ve called to you in that moment
Or in one thereafter
I never fashioned myself a quitter
But there was nothing left to say
No words would fix the broken dreams already splayed

I drowned them in the silence
In a place not far away
It had to be slaughtered
Ignore the temptation to drift for longer
The price of my dignity could not be outweighed

We’ll never truly live in tandem
At least not in the same way
Life will go on
But that closeness is gone
And replaced by an indifference of sorts
I’ll never again try to walk your way

I won’t pretend I wasn’t bitter
There’s still a trace of it on this page
I’ll do my best to let it rest
One day, the proximity will simply fade

born a biter because I never learned play
molar marks on anyone vile too near
I stand up to those who fight, everyday
so there’s nothing wrong with a nibbled ear

violence is not what brings your heart more
your oh-so-lovely-and-tender soul yearns
a challenge, a purpose worth dying for
awaiting a show, growing as it learns

others for the sake of fighting, destroy
the beauty they don’t see until war wins
I am not sure what to make of this ploy
as much as I don’t get why the world spins

into something I can’t explain, I know
we’ve always been a package-deal, now go

The sun shines brighter today
I couldn’t bare to look
My shoulders felt lighter
But my heart felt heavy
Your baggage too much for me
I had doubts, you had other plans
you just had to look, you just had to know
Si anora mi amor, farewell my love
With fingers crossed,
Fuck you, please
At least it’s out, as long as I’m free
No longer your hostage, no more your joke
Let em fucking laugh, cuz so am i
Played us both for fools
It was going so well, for you
And it ended so fast, for you
You were just like the rest of them
The signs were all over
My eyes were wide open
But good I just wanted to believe
“I hope you die alone”
And I’ll pray for you
And maybe if you had a soul
You made me feel so alone
Goddess of lies and love
To you they were the same
I’ll never learn the truth
You’ll never know the real me
When he steals my words
And they’re as empty as you
After you cut me from the picture

Swallows sweep
atop a Hawk,
Birds of Prey are
not welcome here,
as rodents scatter
for protective covering,

while voters with hatred
towards the Hawk gather and
incubate their next lame duck
to hatch them out of their
present circumstances,

and voters in favor of the Hawk
know that once the Hawk has
again departed-they shall
once again have to prepare
to scramble to take cover from
the next sitting lame duck-
who shall take away
their ability to soar freely.

Turtle on the rock
Sun beaming down on hot day
A turtle basking

Torrential Downpour
It is getting dark outside
Water everywhere

I feel the cool breeze
Despite the sweltering heat
A sigh of relief

The Bees are Buzzing
And come to me while I eat
My breath comes heavy

The smell full of smoke
I feel something in my lungs
Wildfire smoke arrives

Scorching and humid
Wiping the sweat off of me
The heat wave is on

Once upon a time
so very long ago

Death courted sisters
In tale little know

He came upon a garden
where two girls often dance

Sibling beauties both unique
despite their mirrored glance

Beneath the stars of universe
in grass of shimmering green

They laughed and played most joyfully
In meadow so serene

Enchanted by their glamour
intrigued by their caprice

He sat and watched them silently
for their frolic brought him peace

Yet in Grim Reaper’s heart reveals
no nihilist is Death

A simple dreamer who yearns for life
this seeker of our breath

But time, it turns as always,
and shadows must descend

He knew one day the meadow s song
would echo to its end.

Yet daring not to take them,
he wept behind a tree,

For Death had found in mirrored souls
a glimpse of what could be…

If
each one is told to draw
their own portraits
i will look for fraction of water
nearby, vindicate the coldness in my eyes
let my finger linger through deepness
of this river, wake up my shadow
one day i slept knowing another portrait
is fetched into gleams on the shore
it always say anything lapping
is a boy saving his face from being washed
away, that day i know the ruthlessness
of water, i drew it over and over again
until the shores become snippet of starshine
how can one envy whole sets of pain
if you only care to know why my face jump out
of water to laugh and laugh, you must know
what eats a man can eat a mountain four times
faster than him, i know 7 years later
the portrait will recoil in the wind
tired of carrying water on its face
it will dry up, erect the lamplight on it
and sit imitating how you will wait to draw
your nicest portrait in the water
until one finger rusted, until you jump out
and promise those behind you
to keep part of their smoke, not this water
I
know.

I don’t always see it.

You’re just the guy I live with now.

We’re great at coordinating schedules,

And splitting up the childcare,

And having meals together.

And life with you is normal.

Not boring, but comfortably predictable.

Then sometimes I get glimpses

Into how much I mean to you.

I switch our shoes and I see

The sacrifices you make for me.

How much effort must it take for you

To be so gentle with my fragile self.

The mental acrobatics it takes

To look out for two souls at once,

Both yours and mine.

The longer I consider it,

The surer I become–

I could never be married to myself.

I simply wouldn’t succeed–

It’s delicate work.

In word and deed,

It’s you, I need.