When I was young I often dreamed of being a star of stage.
An actress with a name that would hit the world with force.
I joined a group and soon I auditioned for a part or two.
Eventually I was offered – the rear of a pantomime horse.
I learned the moves and put my heart and bottom into the part.
Practising our four – legged act with grace (boy I was keen).
We learned to move in tandem, raised money and a laugh,
And everyone applauded the best rear of a horse they’d seen.
In the meantime, I made tea and coffee for the group,
as I was never given a part until winter of the year.
It wasn’t the rear of a panto horse that I achieved, oh no!
but now a goose, because they knew that I could wiggle my rear.
So, I wiggled and walked across the stage full feathered for the season.
Spitting, gaggling and laying eggs to the amusement of all to see.
I chased the baddies and helped the goodies and soon it was all ended.
I took off my feathers and stood up tall but all that was left – was me!
As years passed I played them all, from cats to cows and donkeys.
Wriggling into my costumes twitching whiskers through the course.
My fame grew well, I was first choice, but my face they never knew.
Because I was only famous for being the rear of a pantomime horse.
Now I’ve retired, I’ve done my bit, and hung my skins and feathers
And watch the others play the donkey, goose, horse, cow and cat.
I know you have to start somewhere, and it’s usually at the bottom
But I never thought for a minute that they meant it quite like that.
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