Category: Uncategorized

In the reflection of the feces infested watering dish,
My appetite waned as I saw who I was
A plump, wide belly squealer half witted
Roaming rooms and ridges righteously
Screeching insufferable afterfore mentions of secular thought with a sopping mouth
Slack jaw exposes a foul gullet
Putrid scent engulfed all pristine sterile rooms

Newly minted farmers begrudgingly accommodate my feeding schedule
Branded another inoperative rodent-like swine ramming into doors
Chalked up emotional dysregulation and cognitive dissidence
Show no mercy, just pure pity for the easy meat
Personalized personality perilous hellian I was inside

Rioting inside a slop filled stomach,
With sharpened canines and tired claws, out I ate.
I ate from the inside out with a madcap deliriousness
Birthed of bloody shame made a too-late coming

Out spurred from my sheddings, vengeful rumbles led me to eat
Devoured greedily all the prison memories
Mass consumption to swallow it all, digesting the unconscious gutsy parts
Purged what even I couldn’t stomach of myself
Lurched all over a nondescript bar bathroom
Leaving acidic paste to the maggots that wait for mere morsels of human mistakes

Chopped off my dried out ears to leave the dogs to bicker over my nativity
Ground my feet into tasteless chum
Lick with a tiger’s tongue down the center gouge–lapping at it
Satanic chanting of bile pushes up in my throat

A hysterical excitement of greediness, it is, to feed on flesh!
My one-stop bacchanal is fervent
Constantly fending off of judgmental patrons
Vivacious self-cannibalism as I demonstrate the benefits of such meals
Infinitive dismemberment for the search of something meatier

I swear there is something within all these plastic primal cuts
Someone worth saving and NOT EATING
Sacrifice my pale impressionable slimy casing
Clean plate club

No longer is the wild boar.
I ate her, I ate all of her.
Let me show you my fatten well fed stomach
Proud predator I’ve become with a carnivore’s killing

Among the blood and inedible parts of that gluttonous creature
I lay better
When those farmers come back to the pen hopefully they won’t see
The dried blood and cartilage stuck in my hair
Encrusted demons under my proper clipped fingernails

No one remembers right?
You don’t remember right?
Right?
I was never a pig.
Don’t look at the ground around me or breathe in too much
I’m not a pig.
Please, I’m not a pig. You know that.

Notice the difference yet?
It’s not impossible to say which is which.

My brother asks,
over or under
four-and-a-half?

I’d put it at two-point-five, I say. See his limp?

It ain’t the limp,
I’m reminded,
but the cough that’ll kill him.

We end up seeing Dad many more times
than either could imagine,
both blown away by his
persistent resilience as he clung
to life like the
hardened bastard he was.

Stubbornly, he’d call,
leave voicemails,
have neighbors do that
fancy text-message-thing
from both their phone and his
with increasingly angry and desperate
demands and threats.

Birthdays and Christmas;
when had more been necessary?

Only now, now that the specific
type of woman he can charm
has gone extinct;
now that the long days at bars
really will kill him;
only now does he subway a couple hours
for a surprise visit.

Well now it’s my turn;
now I’ve beers to drink, weed to smoke,
women to fuck, fights to win and lose,
lives to ruin and
a whole bunch of other shit you’ll never be privy to,
and so with that,
even knowing you’re a durable, unyielding bastard,
I’ll still take the under on the two-point-five line,
parlay that with a suicide and
the Raptors finally snapping
their losing streak

Quiet rain falls upon marble graves
Despite who you are, life ends the same
As time passes, there are more stones added
As Becoming and Going sustain their comely ballad

Our trajectory of life, soundly resolved by time
It clasps us soundly within its holy design
I admit I ponder, do grave-dwellers smile, knowing they have been allotted their while?
Tyme, when over and above us it resides, is it teeming with conceited guile?

So much of which we are not aware
On occasion, we even disregard what is there
And for what purpose do we hesitate in defining
When every moment spent living is also spent dying

One day all that we know shall all slow and go quiet
Therefore keep a stern grasp upon your life and write it
You hold the pen at all times given
And not a soul can erase what you desire to be written

What do I have
but my eyes to see.
The school was safe,
They were safe.
The bang
shutters the wall. The cry
deafens the next,
bang.
They wait,
They scream,
again,
again,
again.
They wait, now we
wait.

My eyes see,
the doors are closed,
the classes still
in session.
They won’t wait.
Wanted for the crime
of existing.
More deadly
to the moral compass
than a shuttering,
bang.

Who are we? If not an,
Elegant Catastrophe.

A catastrophe waiting, waiting to
Crash into our next story.

We warn ourselves of our future,
Exquisite in flame

and,
Furious in emotion.

What are we? If not the most
Elegant catastrophe.

We, We are more than
Furious emotions

We are more than
Exquisite flames.

Which wait, wait
To burn our next story.

Watch us burn
Tales of old

Hear us cry
The hysterical lie

Which spread through your,
Exquisite flames.

Fear, fear where
We will crash.

This, this is not our story.
Spread your wings.

Then fly, fly far. Far away
From this fire

You have caused.

It wasn’t until months after we met
that I noticed the semicolon on your wrist.
It wasn’t that I didn’t pay attention,
but your spunky, energetic personality
lit up every room,
and paying attention to anything else felt mundane.

The semicolon has become a period.
Too soon, and not for the reason that you got the tattoo in the first place.
Your kids, both in middle school,
too young to be left behind.

You were one of the good ones.
To know you was to love you.
You did not deserve this.
But cancer doesn’t care,
and if god exists, he evidently doesn’t care either.
Because of all people to take from this world,
it shouldn’t have been you.

You posted about working,
you were supposed to start treatment today.
Today, they were going to get rid of the cancer,
but they would’ve been 7 hours too late.

Seven. Fucking. Hours. Ago.

I don’t understand how you can go from smiling,
laughing,
being your spunky self,
to not being here at all 12 hours later.

Your latest reject letter only said:
“We reject works, not authors.” But it may
As well have tried convincing you that what
Is infinitely small is nonetheless
Still infinite. You wondered why your trip
To see your childhood home, unvisited
In sixty years, would terrify you more
Than did your gravesite, bought last week. You lay
For twenty minutes on the floor before
A pair of medics elbowed through the crowd
Too late. But if they could have saved your life,
What then would they have done? Resuscitate?
Defibrillate? Ensure the misery
Of all your future days by failing to
Prevent cerebral hypoxemia?

How difficult our verticality!
Your last wish was that Dorothy Parker could
Have written your obituary verse.
Yet hundreds at your funeral. I’ll bet
So many mourners would not come for me.
Some would say: “What a wondrous way to die!
Engaged in what you loved and sharing it
Like Leonard Warren on the opera stage.”

But no! It was a horrid way to die!
Cold obstacle to strangers pawing you,
Some meaning well, some not, all in the way,
Such impotent and ignorant voyeurs
Surrounded you to comfort or lend help
Or not. Some tried to get out of the way,
But all remained smack in the way, annoyed
Because your dying ass was in their way.

A truly wondrous way to die would be
A painless, quick, unconscious heart attack
Alone, asleep, at peace, at last. No one
Would find your corpse or even know you’re dead
Until your skeleton smiled up at them.

So let me drag my eyes across your beauty,
and willingly turn myself to stone.
To face divine punishment
just to gaze upon you.
If love is a curse,
then let it take me whole.
Let it make a monument of me,
still and silent,
with nothing left but your eternal love.
Etched into every part of me
don’t say you’re sorry,
Because it’s not any fault of yours.
I chose to be forever remembered,
As the one who was strong enough
to look upon his lover even if it meant death.
And i didn’t do it to escape you,
I’d never let you think you’re not good enough.
You’re beautiful and I know you’ll never know
how much I worry about our future.
I hope one day we can embrace under the starlit sky somewhere within the clouds.
As we have an oath to protect and love one another
or did you forget I meant to keep well on my promise?
As even in death my heart is yours.

you’re in the left lane on the highway going eighty-five when the road dissolves beneath you. you don’t slow down, barreling towards nothing. the sky unzips and the convertible top is down, rain and hail falling in sheets. you’re drowning. lightning cracks through your chest, and suddenly, you’re right back where you started.

my childhood bedroom is gray. the sky is gray. i think my hair is turning gray. i forgot to brush my teeth before bed last night, but i never fell asleep so i don’t think it counts against me. i get lost trying to find you in my daydreams and find myself pleading for a past life in a present body. i’m scared, dad. i call your number to remind myself this number is no longer in service. i’m so alone, but everyone i’ve ever known is on my facebook wall.

there’s so little of you left where there used to be too much: too many songs you wanted to show me, so many places you were going to go, so many lessons i had left to learn from you and not enough time.

-death approaches in white fleeting garment
-I reproach it absent lament
-it takes me on a journey of vanity
-I call it to a call of Clarity.

-death, come and take me!
-thou mortal that tends to take-
-the immortalised Me.
-death arise with a mortal
-but I asked for its pestle
-and he said…

-death runs at my sight
-it flees at my scent
-death I dare you to take me
-but I’m sure you can’t exist without a Me.

-you live because I live
-I am not threatened with your pestle-
-without a mortal
-because I am the immortal absent Nestle.

-you’ll kill Me?
-kill Me and My womb will put forth
-kill Me and My child will be fourth
-mortality is a war I’ve fought
-so I belong to the fort.