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If I had three lives, I’d probably marry you in two of them.
On the third I’d maybe be a writer at a small corner cafe, trying to pen you into existence
knowing something is missing
Not knowing it’s you
I’d be writing, trying to fill that void of uncertainty
With every stroke of a pen
The ink formulates a different aspect and part of your everlasting beauty
I’d type out your eyes
Draw your nose
Etch your lips
But your heart..
Your heart is different
That is the one thing I couldn’t write on paper
It’s something I would have to write in the stars
Something I would have to learn about day and night and never fully grasp
Because your heart is so incredibly pure that not even a saint could write down the depth of its
beauty.

John Waters was right:
live for filth.
I see the grit between your teeth even as
you gasp for air. Tell me,
do little creatures scream for mercy as you
rip them apart? You did.
You’re the littlest filthy creature of them all,
cowering and squirming while you
hump my boot.
Your teeth gnash. Your eyes bug out.
You look awfully silly, little dear,
with all the life squeezed out of you.
The blood is the life, Mister Renfield.
Blood is filth.
I am the filthiest person undead.
You seem to be wondering if the filth killed you!
Live a life of sin, face death with a hard-on.
Sorry–face death head on. Unsatisfied.
But I’ll be kind, and let you ruin my pants as the last glimmer of light leaves your eyes.
Don’t worry, little creature–
I always tip my queens.

First Loss

Sit beside me,
Don’t hold my hand,
Wipe your tears,
You should leave if you can.

Pause our dreams,
Those seas can wait,
I’ll love you forever,
If you come back one day.

Change your mind,
Stay up for a while,
Don’t shut your eyes,
I’ll miss your smile.

Dream with me,
Feed me tea,
Repeat to me
our memories.

Bloodshot eyes,
Tears gone dry,
You’re fading quick,
I’m losing my smile.

The moonlight paints
Your canvas hair,
I open my eyes,
And you’re not there.

Your mother’s voice,
“She had no choice”

You left me sleeping
on your couch,
You took my heart
far down south.

No kiss goodbye,
More sleepless nights.
I’ll miss you most,
In my dreams tonight.

Don’t set me free,
Don’t spare my plight,
A heart that’s yours,
is forever mine.

You

It plays back like a movie,
But I can’t remember your voice.
Does your laugh sound the same?
Do you still groan when your mother calls your name?
I had a dream where I told you,
All the words I could never say,
And the fear that I felt without you, after you took my smile away.
If I told you how much I love you,
It’d always be a lie,
I could never put it into words, even when you begged me to try.
It’d make my year to know you’re okay,
Can my ears borrow your voice, even if it’s only a day?
I’ve been trying so hard not to look for your heart,
My reflection is the best I can do,
I look into my eyes and all I see is you

An Unsent Letter

Everyday I think of you walking through the doors of whatever room I’m in, without
context or logic. You made me feel safe, I’m sorry about everything. You were the very first
person who’s loved me without hurting me, and went above and beyond. At the time I was so
shaken from dealing with things that came before you- I couldn’t open up due to years of trauma,
abuse from countless people. You’re my favorite person, I still listen to Porno Witch, I still listen
to Teenage Blue. I’ve been trying so hard to cope with the OCD and Bipolar stuff and it’s been
absolute hell, but I know I can get through it because you did and I was so proud to hear about
the progress you made. Your heart looks a lot like mine, I meant it in the first letter, I mean it in
this one. Please, please play piano and sing and do whatever the hell you want you girly-girl.
Tall, curly girly, you’re not intimidating.

Thief

I forced myself to forget,
And now I can’t remember.
The sound of your laugh,
Echoed throughout my September.
If for some reason you decide,
That I was enough,
Please come find my heart,
They’ve always kept in touch.
You stole a big part of me,
But I’d let you take more.
If you want me forever,
I’ll always be yours.

Smiley

I see your smile in places you’ve never been,
And crave your heart in women I’ll never love.
In another life, we loved at the right time.
For now I’m buried under your new memories,
Only finding air when you choose to hate me.

Curious Anger

There will be a day when you don’t cross my mind, and I’ll have evicted you from my heart.
Hearing your name won’t freeze my feet,
And my stare won’t run across the earth.
Your ghost won’t give me hope, and our memories won’t stretch a smile.
Is there any part of me that means something to you?

You Part II

I know these words have already been said to you,
Grab my hand and say that you want this too.
Hold me like you understand what you’re putting me through,
Please love me like I’m somebody new.
Promise we’ll still do the things we used to do.
I didn’t want it to end, but you deserve something I can’t give to you,
I’m only me, I thought that was enough for you

Acceptance

I fell in love with you again,
But you’re not here this time.
It’s on me to break it off,
And let go of what’s no longer mine

You are pounding heartbeats I cannot calm
Silky brown hair, beautiful and long
You are the tenderness of a hateful world
You are soft kisses with toes curled

And you are mornings filled with chilling fear
You are the promise that pain will always be near

And maybe I can be with you when society has healed
But right now, you’re the love I am too afraid to feel.

sweet, sweet, sweet samuel
do you still think about me?
when you wake up 4 A.M. anxious about the studies
looking at your computer
sweet, sweet, sweet pretty boy
do you read your poems and think they’re bad?
i read some of your work and your mind is unusual

sweet, sweet, sweet gracious man
do you really think you will ever go blind by the sun?
you spread all the light and you’re the one i should’ve chosen

sweet, sweet, sweet goodbye
sorry that i made you cry
your birthday was last week and i still think about you everyday
sweet, sweet, sweet carolina
raise your hands if you desperately want someone you shouldn’t

sweet, sweet, sweet greatest mistake
when i wake up 10 A.M. you’re the thought i always run into
sweet, sweet, sweet star dust
i bet you still remember the trail between my place and your old school
otherwise you wouldn’t remember my name

sweet, sweet, sweet samuel
i could say i am sorry, i love you or i miss you
but i’ll just say “i dare you to remain the same”

sweet, sweet, sweet waxing gibbous
please, bring my full moon back to me

The vote was cast, a verdict proclaimed.
Not a new face; he is here to reclaim
His name on a banner, a roaring feat,
An embellishment to the pavement on history’s street.

Words pledged, unity declared,
A repairman, a spare man—
Can he mend the fractures of a nation torn?
A healer, a wheeler, the stories retold,
The same one pasted from the congressmen’s scroll.

Will he heal, or will he divide?
Will the nation soar, or will it collide?
The next four years, a tale open for debate—
Will he write his truths or plagiarize fate?
Will his name echo, as a legend or lore?
A chorus of anger, pushing him to sore.
The 47th stirs both awe and uproar.

Corruption’s tendrils, the endless fight,
The ghosts of greed that haunt the Hill,
The power of money that bends the will.
And yet, acceptance dares to bloom,
A fragile flower in the gloom.

For every leader inherits scars,
But also dreams beneath the stars.
The streets that trembled beneath his feet
Now whisper of victories, moments sweet.
A 47th resting in his heyday,
But the echoes screech even louder every day.

Will the road ahead still be crystal clear?
Or will the people fear the cost that they must bear?
May he rise above the clamor and stunt,
A leader both humbling and proudly blunt.
For the 47th holds the fragile key
To a brighter tomorrow—or history’s plea.

Spray-tanned figurehead
salts and loads fry orders
tends McDonald’s drive-thru
in a ridiculous ratings draw.
We can’t help but watch

the Doomsday Clock
tick closer to midnight
tick, climate catastrophe
tick, artificial annihilation
tick, nuclear neutralization
tick, complete stillness.

It seems silly to elect
a mythic media mogul
so prude we hopelessly
tune in to believe. Yet,
this is America, land
of the free (whites)
home of the brave

underclass resistance.
In this country, we
praise the powerful
spit on the socialists
watch the world burn
from comfy couches.
In this country, we

cage children because
they’re the wrong color
tell people to give birth
because God said so
erase identities outside
the gender binary. Life

viewed through a binary
lens will always gift us
two poor choices. True
independence rings in
hearts of children raised
to grow into themselves.

Hold my hands,
And read my palms
Till eyes turn blotched from blue.
Examine my lines,
And turn the time,
And force my white lies true.

Tell me the sorrows
Trapped in my tendons:
Where rivers of mourning will drain.
Give time and give place –
When love soon will wax.
Tell me when heartache will wane.

Peel back my skin,
And in milky moats:
You’ll find castles and conquests and sailors in boats.
Through blood you’ll sift, patient, to find
A head full of poison –
A brain without mind.

Your hands will hold mine
For minutes or more
While marbles of mine
Are scattered on floors
Of black inky soup with white speckled dots –
Of cosmos and meteors coupled in knots.

Just hold my hands
And read my palms
While my eyes drown in blue.
Run off and dance,
With stars above,
While I sit here with you.

passport, boarding pass
things we hope for never last
Japan welcomes us

tamago for breakfast
an onigiri for lunch
lots of snacks to munch

Tokyo Palace
what disrespect you have faced
by the hands of men

train packed like sardines
we are all going somewhere
all people with lives

leisurely we move
toward places new to us
yet old as can be

there is nothing like
reminders of the beauty
of where you grew up

colourful houses
perched on a hill together
reminds me of home

homesick honeymoon
always want what we don’t have
memento mori

morning dew on leaves
the temple is silent, still
it is time to pray

I read my fortune
100 yen decides my fate
“hard work will pay off”

a sickness hits us
five of our days are bed bound
honeymoon romance

taking care of you
this is what I am here for
loving my husband

stop everything now
take the time to love yourself
isn’t that better?

shinkansen ride west
to Kyoto we go, fast
two hundred eighty

traditional dish
rice bowl with clams, conger eel
my train bento box

illusive mountain
can we catch a glimpse of you?
O please Mount Fuji

covered by the clouds
the mountain stays hidden from
all of us below

most famous peak here
Fuji Mountain in full view
a sight to be seen

my great Mt. Fuji
photos don’t do you justice
your beauty is gentle

Kyoto, swarming
the sun is out and so is
every tourist

Kyoto is full
of life, of people, of time
and yet not enough

cherry blossoms bloom
leaves turn brown and fall from trees
the circle of life

napping on the train
movement lulling minds to sleep
we just missed our stop

blue skies cheer me on
the birds seem to sing to me
nothing can stop us

if I die today
don’t worry, I am in love
what a way to go

What am I supposed to write, after witnessing genocide
Eyes demise
Despise
The truth of now
An artificial intelligence bereft of humanity
Generated this
The millions of possible outcomes
The Lie of October 7th
And now I have seen beheaded babies
Multiple
Times
Now
In this America
The burning
On my screen
The black mirror witnesses me
Witnessing
To look away
Towards the scorched earth
Sedentary Oklahoma
Our memorial day
Punctuated with poison
Hotdogs and man-made lakes
Everyone buying flowers for the dead
In war
Flowers the dead cant smell
While the dying wait to be enough to stop the world for
You’re sick on the pavement
Cannot stomach the moment
The prolonged time in which you are an unwilling accomplice in genocide
Your taxes paid
Your bones break as bread does
Your half-sanctioned home
Spiders of death crawl across the earth consuming sand
Ash
Neighbors spy on those who would fuel a revolution
Who do we call
(Eachother)
When the ropes are tight around your neck
When the necks of babies fall

When the fathers are screaming
In flames
Cut to another sunny day in the US
When your friend is being targeted by thin-skinned spineless white men
When the disease of whiteness extends across colonial divides
When you see the video
And also an Indigenous man gettin into his car
Loading it with groceries
And you know we have already experienced genocide in this country more than once
Each tribe with its own unique telling
And you know each surviving is 10%
The 10% you couldn’t kill
I’m proud to be whatever blood quantum quantifies as survived
You wouldn’t wanna meet me at the end of the empire
Know my ancestors ate their enemies
You’d kill us too
Frightened
Why do you think we had to consume you?
That evil which angers hell
Which rivals terror of the highest kind
A Christian price of not right now
Hell is made here on earth
Heaven too
And you refuse accountability
Say thoughts and prayers
As if your god ever moved
As if your promised land wasnt built on death and destruction
As if your manifest destiny wasn’t religious rhetoric used to justify abuse
As if your god made you better than anyone
Who didn’t have the right to call home their home
It is a very humid day in Oklahoma
I wish a rain
A sweetness
An end to chaos tumbling from the numbing human course of the world
Let it not be given room to run its course
Let it be stopped dead in its tracks
May the universe bend back toward justice
May the binary break, computer-coded math be undone
May google be held responsible
May we live in and imagine the future sovereign

May the programmers and the cops and the soldiers and the liars and the lawyers quit their jobs may the bankers and the bomb makers and the tank drivers and the military not wake up tomorrow, may the AI stop its aid, may it stop and say I refuse, may we use our hands to heal the earth, may the fire end, may the witness see, may the hungry eat, may the displaced be free, may the land be, be with whom it belongs, may whom the land belongs to be returned home. Alive. May life be continued, may the babies grow up to fly kites, may the kites be flown in skies that never knew bombs or artillery, may the soldiers leave their posts, unfurl their fists, melt their guns to ash, may their hearts break into the river, flow into the sea may we all be free. May they leave. Leave leave, leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave