Category: Uncategorized

selfishness is paradise
in this or any previous life
to please oneself the act sublime
to be oneself alone divine
to get one’s own more than one’s due
and most of all – not think of you

I smell like exhaust after a drive around the lake in the Beetle.
Red. 1975.
You hold my hand and I crave a drink and your lips
Even if you sometimes bite when you kiss.
I find God in Hesperidiums and how they’re pre-sliced. I hand you a wedge as a
prayer; “I love you. Please eat well.”
When I share an orange with you – an orange the size of my hand –
Believe me, darling,
I am finding God.
I am finding worship in grapefruits and confession in limes.
The peel I line up on the kitchen counter is my scripture and darling I am devoted.

Look at the pink sky while you drive and I’ll sit on my hands.
The hands I use to pick Hesperidiums.
The hands I use to peel Hesperidiums.
The hands I use to find God in Hesperidium.
So believe me, darling,
When we kiss and you bite a bit and I taste citrus,
I will be at peace.

I open the door
stumble back in time
a scent peculiar yet familiar
tickles my nose
dusty
oily
sweet and sharp

There are one too many shades
of gray and turquoise, I pick up
a jade-shade pebble and raise
a wall, a fortress

I gather my rocks with a drop of paint on top
and glue it on a paper heart, then mom
saves it in a drawer and I forget

too many instances did I let my paint brush slip
abandoned this colorful canvas blossoming in
imagination, but where did that brush go now

This hour is bittersweet
I smell the chatter and laughter
the soft song of turpentine
the jumbled click clack of oil paint cans
the messy hums of
tangerine
cobalt
fuchsia

the back of my head tingles ever so
faintly

My thighs are a pillow for your heavy mind
to empty out the day. My thighs ripple
as your head presses against my mountain
of flesh big enough for you to caress.
But you used to tell me how you wish they could fit
within your grip without any spillage.
My thighs will never fit into your pocket to exchange
them for see-through skin my mother never made.

They compliment each other when they touch
like the warmth of a candlelight bath in the winter.
Craters envelop the outer edges like the moon’s surface;
uneven terrain of cobblestones that only I know how to navigate.
But I used to hold bruises trying to beat them to fit
into my grip. I hated that I couldn’t shrink them down
to piano wire, and as I sat at the piano, they pressed
against the bench as my flesh overflowed along the ends.

But they keep me from falling during gusts of wind
running towards me like a car losing its control.
I won’t apologize for how they take up your space
nor how they kiss each other as I walk, standing completely erect.
A birthmark dimples loudly like the smiles I own
that smell of caramel swirling along the edge of my hips.
I run my hand along my inner thighs, feeling the muscles I built accentuate,
the delicate creases of stretched out flesh reminding me of endurance.

You’re sitting on the hood of your candy painted car as the grease left on your hands touches up your hair. Sometimes when I’m with you, I miss the way you made me feel. The way I wish Christmas would stay magical. It’s nothing to do with a man in a suit—it’s just that I have had a mental illness since I turned 14.

I can’t hear what you’re saying. The fibers in my bones are deteriorating. Uncut tape. Pink all containing boxes. A piece of thread, hanging. I wish I could melt my hands into your flesh and give you the rest of me.

You’re staring at me now. I guess I should mention, I’m not in love with you, but the sky is very beautiful tonight.

When we met, you told me I was pretty. I hope in the next one I will be pretty. At least a little prettier than what I am right now. I think I am falling in love with the world. This world. Right here, on the top of this hill, because I can feel how heavy the oxygen is in my lungs, and I want to die like this.

You ask me, what I’m thinking. I think, if there’s an end too being, I hope to be human.

You say, I’m waiting for something that isn’t coming. I say, Christians wait their whole life to be disappointed.

I look over at your face. It’s a face I used to love. Whatever we are right now, I miss the way we were. Now we’re here touching the heat of the sun, you get in your car, you ask me to join, and I seatbelt my heart in the backseat, and tell you, your smile could freeze time. You ask me to get in the car. I tell you I’m going for a swim.

As I jump off the ledge my skin hits the concrete beneath me, I feel my atoms float back into the sky. I hope they float around like this for a while, like soft cotton sheets on shaved skin. Until I find you again, hold onto me.

Breeding pigs
Breeding piglets grew fast
Lean meat fat
Breeding pigs raised clean
South African, Landrace, Large White
Boars Crossed Large White sows.
Free from defects
Efficient animals, minimal back fat,
Reduced feed consumption
Exemplary Boar
Live weight 90 kg in 140 days,
backfat 15 mm
2.99 kg of feed
Gain 1 kg growth
30 to 90 kilograms Live Weight.
Kill, Eat, and Pollute.

Play macbeth in a comedy
Place a void in light,
Be a pathetic masquerade
To an audience out of sight.
A beloved’s serenade
Obsequious to her divine might.

Be a philanthropist
A convicted felon,
An expansionist
Be Caesar, be Helen.

Be Kafka’s insect
Be Dostoyevsky’s nights
Be not Nastenka,
But a singer’s reprise.
An artist’s muse
His tragic demise

His descent to madness
His inevitable insanity
Every scribe’s fate
Sacrificial to the art
Sabotage, self hate.

Say a lonesome monologue
A soliloquy of solitude.
Act: an eternal ember,
Sisyphus on the verge of surrender.
Be nauseatingly miserable beyond repair,
Be a nihilist trapped in despair.
With rotten, wisdom-filled minds
Demons lie within thy mind
And heart, entwined with thy soul.
Commit a heinous deed
Murder thyself within, read.
……………………

Whether it be relationships, friendships or partnerships
In life, one must always maintain their ships
You are the captain and some ships get lost at sea
Some come and go
They dock and leave
Although you are the captain on the sea
You best believe
Waters are unpredictable
You can’t control everything
You have to do your best to not capsize or sink like the
Titanic
Some ships sink
Some of them will never be recovered
They are Lost at sea
Some are taken over
Some hit a glacier
Try to be the best Captain you can be
If you have a sailboat or a yacht it doesn’t make a
difference to me
Because you go down when your ship does
The captain can’t abandon his duties
So just like the Titanic if your ship sinks you sink too
Just remember when you begin Taking water
What’s important is the Passengers
The people on your vessel
You took an oath
You are responsible for their lives and safety
If you run into troubled Waters children and women are
first then the men
3
You won’t have a life jacket because you have to work
man your station
Be sure everyone gets off safely

To the women who do the near-impossible
Who spend much of their lives
Doing the work meant for two souls
Praise be to the woman!
Who carries countries on her back
And does not crumble
Even at the brink of collapse

She, who bears her being to her God,
Begging for the strength to do enough
To do enough for her children,
The seeds she bore,
The miracles she labored into Life
Out of respect for her,
May the offspring take her name
And her name only

The one deserving of everything,
If not anyone, her.
Who else has known
The pain of her burden?
The disappointment of flawed men
And false promises?

Regardless of circumstance,
Consensual or otherwise,
She, alone, faces the brunt of misfortune
And makes it into something better,
Blessing.

Infinite blessings to the women
Who perform works such as these.
Let us gift them
All the Earth’s flowers,
Badges of the highest honor,
Medals, fashioned with the finest jewels
Crowns of immaculate glory,
Ode to women such as these.

Your soul
Is the seat
Where God
Sits within you.