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I stand beneath the endless royal blue night sky,
The cold spring breeze swirling around me as if to welcome me back.
The emerald grass shivering and swaying, inviting me to my spot.
The pages of your letter fluttered in my hands, waving back to the earth and sky.
The breeze biting but sweet, bringing with it the smell of roses, and wet grass.
I look up at the sky, staring into its vast endless blue hues,
Wondering how you are and what you’re doing.
I look up at the twinkling stars, wondering what you’ve seen while away.
I look up at the celestial moon tonight. Just like every other night,
Wondering if you’re looking at it too.

Reminiscing on the promises we made under its glowing ethereal beauty,
And under these countless twinkling orbs.
The longer I look into the galaxy’s endless abyss,
The more I can feel my heart breaking, The more I can feel your absence,
And my peace slipping through my fingers like stardust.
Tears flow down my cheeks, like the everlasting memories flooding my mind.
Clutching your letter to my chest,
its new page’s scent swirling with the breeze into the night.
I hold them as tightly as I can as if they’ll disappear if I don’t,
Holding them tightly to my heart to fill the void you left.

I look at the glistening moon, the letter’s content replaying in my mind,
I wonder what you’d say to me at this moment.
I often find myself playing out different scenarios in my mind,
Just to feel like you’re still here.
Without you, I feel like a shell of myself.
It became clear to me that I’m not whole without you.
The day you left, after I received your last message,
I tried to hold myself together.
But with each passing day, a new part of me shattered.

I begged and pleaded for the time to fly by so I could see you again.
I gaze at the enchanting, gentle white glow,
imagining what it would be like to touch you again,
And feel the comforting warmth of your embrace.
I long to look into your loving eyes as we talk about our day,
The moment I’ll feel whole again.
I raise your letter to my lips, pressing a tender kiss upon it,
and then turn my gaze skyward once more.
I whisper to the moon all the things I long to tell you,
hoping you hear me, hoping that you’re looking at it this moment too,
“I love you.”

Let’s pretend the longing
will crawl off. You tell me
where to deflate and disappear
unnoticed in my own mirror.

How nice. Your leg over mine.
I’ve painted a song for
the prairie state landscape
in which I am lost but
can see for miles around.

well then the junglefowl—
sorry, well then the hen
charges at me like zac rinaldo
so i jitter, dump my bags,
take off like a bad dad
i had polka in the morning!
couldn’t fight or worse
MAIM a fowl!
what would i tell santa?
how would i sleep
with a stereoscope
of wet snapping & giblets
in my head like a ferris wheel?
so anyway i’m bee lining it
back to the road, my bike,
high knees & bum kicks,
whole fifty broom handles
and son of santa
there’s a dan picking the lock!
he sees me coming
& he puts ‘em up!
now i have a junglefowl—
sorry, now i have a hen
coming in hot on my ass
& a fisticuffs dan in front
so what do i do?
i whip out my winky,
start hurdy-gurdying,
pull out my best polka
& guess what?
they both scram!
story of my life!

our picture found me
it hurts – too much
wish you could see
but this is my burden
forever – for eternity

we were young – 17
many miles to go
i was falling & fast
broken and low
not letting you know

you – full of hope
caring, loving
an angel from above
braving, never caving
dreaming of us

mind tries to forget
heart won’t let go
aching – bleeding
fighting for my soul
and our days of old!

We live in the present universe now,
However, there are changes,
What does this new universe bring about to others?
In what part of the solar system does it exist?
These are questions to pose,
Are there any answers to them?
Our known universe keeps evolving,
This is just how it goes,
Are there other beings out there?
Do they live in a universe that is adjacent to ours?
Or is there just a new one on the horizon?
These are questions that are hard to answer,
The universe as we know it is, is what it is,
Keep an open mind about tomorrow,
Who knows what will happen?
For now, be good and be happy,
The future will continue in a good or bad way,
We as people will continue to live on planet Earth,
Take care and may a better tomorrow happen,
Seize each moment with open arms,
For now, and always, carpe diem.

To think there was so much beauty in a voice that never sang
To think a needle prick would cure someone else’s pain
How could we see the tying of the knot every day
And think he wouldn’t hang
Both victims, but one of tragedy one praise
Eye to eye for a second but don’t see the same way
Won a medal for bravery
One flower on the other’s grave
Over time the shine will rust
The dandelion grows again
Could any praise be worth…

No-one said the Photocopier was easy,
it just lit up for anyone who pressed its buttons.

No-one said the stapler was vicious,
but it would put metal teeth through anyone who went near.

No-one said paper was a victim,
but it was always being scribbled upon and screwed up.

No-one said the paper-shredder was malnourished,
but paper never counted as one of the 5 a day.

No-one said the broom was foolish,
but it always cleared up with his head.

No-one accused the bin of being greedy,
but everyone complained when it was full.

No-one ever said a paper-clip was lonely,
they hang about in boxes of hundreds,
and are only used in groups of one.

No-one said pens were disloyal,
but they never grieved when one ran out.

No-one said the laminating pouches were truthful,
but you could see through them.

No-one said the table was vain,
but it always had its legs on display.

No-one ever put any value in the safe,
but it kept its secrets locked away.

Out of its cooler,
a bottle sweats embarrassed
before the hot sun.

Published as a Top Finalist in The Wingless Dreamer Issue Feb. 2024

I’m not a big fan of games but I have a need to
stand behind my friends in a crowd of friends, laughing
as Sophie and Rob (I just met him tonight)
flail their legs over the neon arrows scoring
practically nothing while I practically have to
scream to hear Lucas over the blinking red/blue/green
clattering coins drinks splashing basketballs
crashing and the sour beer is already going to my head

so naturally all I’m thinking about is you.
the skee-ball game is broken so in between
balls I check my phone, to drag this dialogue on
long past its natural end (we both know it
and ignore it) and I think if I ever won
an Oscar the first thing I’d do is look at you,
because I’d love to see your eyes in complete admiration
and awe in mine. am I a sucker? maybe it’s the noise
pulling my hair every which way and I can’t
make a hoop to save my life goddammit

but by far the most exciting thing to happen to me tonight
is still the total silence of your arms and
your bedroom in the precious 4 hours before
you leave for work, when then at 5am I lay awake listen
to the symphonic shower drizzle and watch you
put on your socks.

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Halfway through the orange bottle, I am better.
The darkness of my days starts floating away,
Replaced by a glittering brightness only I can see.
I look in the mirror and there is no more sadness written on my face.
The worry lines have danced off my forehead as my brain sparks alive.
Rusty, squeaky but finally working, it rapidly churned out new ideas
I am learning new things!
Adopting new views!
The dots are connecting!
Everything makes so much more sense now.
Formally shy, I burst through literal and metaphorical doors.
Every bar in town knows me now. I am free from social anxiety!
This is ALIVE- I’m finally LIVING!
Every emotion is felt to capacity, filling my whole physical being
and that girl who couldn’t get out of bed is no longer in sight.
I’ve left her in the dust with each hearty laugh, new connection, and new hobby.
But something goes wrong-
As I peak on this sparkly mountain of glory, I notice a pinprick of darkness.
It melts, pools, stains all the notes I’ve written to myself,
All the dates I’ve set up, the new friendships,
The shopping receipts.
The pinprick becomes a blob and bleeds across my vision
I close my eyes in fear.
It envelopes me. Cradles me.
I open my eyes.
In fetal position I slink into a corner of my closet
it’s safe here.
they can’t see me here.
they won’t hear me cry
who is they?
i crawl from the closet and peek out a window
whose cars are those?
that’s it.
i need protection.
that will fix the pinprick.
i lay them out methodically
i will have one if i need it no matter where i am in here.
the closet is deemed safe, then i curl back up and cry a deep cry that hurts my whole spirit.
a cry that snaps me out of the dark and i am no longer watching myself but i see myself.
surrounded by razor blades, crying in a dark closet.
i am flooded with embarrassment and shame for the things i’ve done;
a montage of my recent adventures flying past my mental projector screen.
the razor blades are so shiny, even in the darkness
i cover my face with shaking palms
who will find me first if i end this right now
will my kids be okay-
i gain awareness again.
i need to get help.
i thought i was better.