Category: Uncategorized

The sun shines brighter today
I couldn’t bare to look
My shoulders felt lighter
But my heart felt heavy
Your baggage too much for me
I had doubts, you had other plans
you just had to look, you just had to know
Si anora mi amor, farewell my love
With fingers crossed,
Fuck you, please
At least it’s out, as long as I’m free
No longer your hostage, no more your joke
Let em fucking laugh, cuz so am i
Played us both for fools
It was going so well, for you
And it ended so fast, for you
You were just like the rest of them
The signs were all over
My eyes were wide open
But good I just wanted to believe
“I hope you die alone”
And I’ll pray for you
And maybe if you had a soul
You made me feel so alone
Goddess of lies and love
To you they were the same
I’ll never learn the truth
You’ll never know the real me
When he steals my words
And they’re as empty as you
After you cut me from the picture

Swallows sweep
atop a Hawk,
Birds of Prey are
not welcome here,
as rodents scatter
for protective covering,

while voters with hatred
towards the Hawk gather and
incubate their next lame duck
to hatch them out of their
present circumstances,

and voters in favor of the Hawk
know that once the Hawk has
again departed-they shall
once again have to prepare
to scramble to take cover from
the next sitting lame duck-
who shall take away
their ability to soar freely.

Turtle on the rock
Sun beaming down on hot day
A turtle basking

Torrential Downpour
It is getting dark outside
Water everywhere

I feel the cool breeze
Despite the sweltering heat
A sigh of relief

The Bees are Buzzing
And come to me while I eat
My breath comes heavy

The smell full of smoke
I feel something in my lungs
Wildfire smoke arrives

Scorching and humid
Wiping the sweat off of me
The heat wave is on

Once upon a time
so very long ago

Death courted sisters
In tale little know

He came upon a garden
where two girls often dance

Sibling beauties both unique
despite their mirrored glance

Beneath the stars of universe
in grass of shimmering green

They laughed and played most joyfully
In meadow so serene

Enchanted by their glamour
intrigued by their caprice

He sat and watched them silently
for their frolic brought him peace

Yet in Grim Reaper’s heart reveals
no nihilist is Death

A simple dreamer who yearns for life
this seeker of our breath

But time, it turns as always,
and shadows must descend

He knew one day the meadow s song
would echo to its end.

Yet daring not to take them,
he wept behind a tree,

For Death had found in mirrored souls
a glimpse of what could be…

If
each one is told to draw
their own portraits
i will look for fraction of water
nearby, vindicate the coldness in my eyes
let my finger linger through deepness
of this river, wake up my shadow
one day i slept knowing another portrait
is fetched into gleams on the shore
it always say anything lapping
is a boy saving his face from being washed
away, that day i know the ruthlessness
of water, i drew it over and over again
until the shores become snippet of starshine
how can one envy whole sets of pain
if you only care to know why my face jump out
of water to laugh and laugh, you must know
what eats a man can eat a mountain four times
faster than him, i know 7 years later
the portrait will recoil in the wind
tired of carrying water on its face
it will dry up, erect the lamplight on it
and sit imitating how you will wait to draw
your nicest portrait in the water
until one finger rusted, until you jump out
and promise those behind you
to keep part of their smoke, not this water
I
know.

I don’t always see it.

You’re just the guy I live with now.

We’re great at coordinating schedules,

And splitting up the childcare,

And having meals together.

And life with you is normal.

Not boring, but comfortably predictable.

Then sometimes I get glimpses

Into how much I mean to you.

I switch our shoes and I see

The sacrifices you make for me.

How much effort must it take for you

To be so gentle with my fragile self.

The mental acrobatics it takes

To look out for two souls at once,

Both yours and mine.

The longer I consider it,

The surer I become–

I could never be married to myself.

I simply wouldn’t succeed–

It’s delicate work.

In word and deed,

It’s you, I need.

Thought I was ready for love
Time for my fairytale story—
Ball gowns, slippers, and doves.
Thought the frog I swiped right on
One day a prince would become.

Croaked all the promises
I’d been longing to hear–
So I put on red lipstick,
Donned a lace gown,
Set the trap.
Sealed the marriage contract
With a lipstick autograph.

At first, I didn’t notice
The magic wearing thin.
When I broke out in rashes,
He bought cream for my skin.
He said I just needed glasses—
It was only my eyes
It never was him.

But one day I finally
Awoke from the spell:
True love is not magic.
It’s never enough on its own.
Can’t transform reality—
Saw the frog in true form,
Not the prince
In my fairytale dreams.

Too tired and empty
To keep playing pretend.
I’d handled frogs before;
I knew what to do.
Went back to biology,

Sliced him open in two.
Saved only four parts,
Threw the rest in the waste.
He truly was hazardous—
Let the Bunsen burner blaze.

Can’t go back in time,
Can’t take away the kisses.
But I’ll sit down as I eat
This plate full of leftovers—
Double breaded and pan-fried
In my seasoned cast iron.

Man, I love frogs.

Carrying your lifeless body in
A flash before my eyes
A bomb
Detonating my heart from my chest
But only yours stopped beating?

“I would take years off my life to give you.”
-Understated at best
I would have given you my life
So I could save myself
From living in a world without you

Performed by Val Cole

Performed by Val Cole

POEM:

Trauma greets me in the morning
Growing legs and stretching to lay beside Grief and I
My spearmint tea is poured with with tears of solitude steeped into my being

My phone dings, a message from the socials

this “relative” seeking to be absolved
“Hey I saw this *grief story* made me think of you (from a person I haven’t heard from since 2 days after Dad died)”

Next a message from 3:06 am…
“I know I haven’t been there for you with your grief after your dad. I hope you’re doing better”

The closer to the holidays, the closer I am to the realm of Dante’s Inferno.

So many levels to choose from…

So this is like the ex that called me out of my name once, 4 days after my Dad died. We then broke up.

This is like the man that I thought was a friend when my sister was experiencing that aneurysm (2 months after Dad died) but showed me his unsolicited penis and opinion instead.

This is like the person I thought was a friend told me, I don’t want to be around you when you’re like this. Can we try to see where you’re at in a few months?

This is like when that other “bestie” never initiated contact. Never uttered a word. Nor the other bestie because “I was a downer”.

This is like when I needed support and love and was met with the attention of my lonesome loneliness.

This is the part of the story where I can’t make this shit up,

They’ll say it’ll get better. I’m waiting now like I’m waiting for the 14 trying to get to work. Hummingbirds knew to find the best method of recovery —fly in any direction but love yourself enough to leave