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When I was young I often dreamed of being a star of stage.

An actress with a name that would hit the world with force.

I joined a group and soon I auditioned for a part or two.

Eventually I was offered – the rear of a pantomime horse.

 

I learned the moves and put my heart and bottom into the part.

Practising our four – legged act with grace (boy I was keen).

We learned to move in tandem, raised money and a laugh,

And everyone applauded the best rear of a horse they’d seen.

 

In the meantime, I made tea and coffee for the group, 

as I was never given a part until winter of the year.

It wasn’t the rear of a panto horse that I achieved, oh no!

but now a goose, because they knew that I could wiggle my rear.

 

So, I wiggled and walked across the stage full feathered for the season.

Spitting, gaggling and laying eggs to the amusement of all to see.

I chased the baddies and helped the goodies and soon it was all ended.

I took off my feathers and stood up tall but all that was left – was me!

 

As years passed I played them all, from cats to cows and donkeys.

Wriggling into my costumes twitching whiskers through the course.

My fame grew well, I was first choice, but my face they never knew.

Because I was only famous for being the rear of a pantomime horse.

 

Now I’ve retired, I’ve done my bit, and hung my skins and feathers

And watch the others play the donkey, goose, horse, cow and cat.

I know you have to start somewhere, and it’s usually at the bottom

But I never thought for a minute that they meant it quite like that.