Category: Uncategorized

this morning waking up
seemed to me to be an
impossible task.

but now here i sit
at my desk looking
out of the window
joined by little lavender
who nestles herself atop
my books
tiptoeing through The Divine
Comedy ever so studious
just like mama honey who sits
peeking through the wilted white
roses i refuse to abandon.

together we watch
as darkness clears
and streams of pink
and orange and gold seep
into the sky
like sherbet or watercolor
freshly applied to canvas.

i sip my coffee.

honey lifts her head
over the mug to breathe
the bitter nutty scent
and lavender follows suit–
still learning
how to be a cat
how to be a human
how to be
a living-breathing-entity
with eyes and ears and
thoughts and feelings and
still learning
how to cherish every
moment she is offered
like the sky,
this sky,

which now has faded
colors in a cotton
candy embrace
blue-purple-pink
supported and uplifted
by timid yellow who has yet
to raise her head.

but she will.

and we will be here,
at this desk,
when she does,

waiting.

waiting and demonstrating
how to be.

– s.b.

Donald Trump doesn’t want me to have children
And it’s personal,
Though I’m sure he’d argue otherwise.
But you can’t ignore the plethora of emails
stating that I don’t deserve my IVF coverage and health insurance
because I work for the federal government
and, therefore, am of course,
lazy
and therefore, of course, should not be
contributing my blue eyes to the gene pool,
and therefore,
really,
am I even an American?

I pay all my taxes.
My productivity was 136% for the fourth quarter.
and maybe most importantly,
I’m still in my pop punk era.
So I do what I fucking want,
even without Uncle Sam, I mean Uncle Trump’s, permission.

motherland.
mag mell —
resting, resting
whatever you say
(say nothin)
some city birds were silent snitches
so i ran back,
mag mell
motherland.

ceantar, the place we inhabit
alltar be it’s shadow
quantum time between them
are you listening?
fall through na réimse
two slanted mists
trace teanga back as memory
ways of being beyond shame
before the words were beaten
out of us.
n/a

The walls are hung with loneliness
like tapestries of riderless horses.
The dim glow of a lamp flickering with
lost thoughts pales against the
winter-shrouded windowpane.
An echo of remorseful silence resounds
in the emptiness of the room’s want
like a spiderweb torn by wind shears.
On the floor, parquet designs in a mosaic
of stumble steps puzzle, questioning
direction. A rug has rolled up on itself
hiding darkness within its shadows.
The hum of motes seeks its home
among the dust. And I huddle in the corner
whispering your name.

The wind blew us in from the sea;
I don’t know anyone here, and neither does he,
so, we wander the streets of this small, coastal town,
looking for souvenirs, both sought and found.
A left, a right, another left, and then, suddenly,

a doorway into shelves of old records and DVDs,
gleaned from dusty bookcases, and now in front of me.
Steadily, we flick through the racks, listening to the sound
of the wind that blew us in from the sea.

Back at the hotel, we crawl into bed ever so gently,
and when we wake, he pulls me in even more deeply;
for a brief moment, I know what it is to drown,
to fill your lungs with something as profound
as the wind that blows in from the sea.

Colorado, red-hued, now a grayish-green,
trailing the scent of corruption in her wake
as she strains toward an ocean beyond her reach.
Meadows and forest long since turned to dust
in this Garden of Eden razed to the ground,
in this paradise paved with bare and broken rock
by generations building the American Dream.

This may sound morbid
but I hear my loved one’s
eulogies scroll through
my mind like captions
on a film reel—

the poetry of loving
someone is
knowing how you’d say goodbye
while they’re still alive,
tucking grief into the folds
of everyday moments—
just in case.

His disheveled hair– scattering all over his face.
Even a messier state would make my heart race.
The morning sun loved to shine all over his beauty.
The night would argue, “Carrying the moon is my duty.”
Sharp eyebrows with his tone line structure.
Slightly furrowed together, displaying their culture.
Those green eyes; always too shy.
Still was enough for my mind to occupy.
His lowered gaze would barely meet mine.
Everyday, his stars find numerous ways to shine.
Just to focus. Those orbs forget to flatter.
Making place for his long silky hairs to scatter.
His hair feels soft when he permits me to ruffle.
Again fix them up. Smooth and reshuffle.
Those brushed cheeks never lacked blush.
One time to touch. Oh, that’s like mush.
His lips– apart from each other.
I’d rather stare at them forever.
Upper one’s faintly plump and mellow.
Bottom one’s an obedient fellow.
Together they’re signs of creation.
A smile on them. Great combination.
His warm tone caresses my fragile petals.
Carrying comfort before another moment settles.
A gentle nod for affirmation.
Even when my request lost location.
From the very start, it’s his habit.
Affection never mind any limit.
He never gave anything much heed.
Unless the matter involved me for any need.
Agreeing on matters about early relicts.
To avoid some unnecessary conflicts.
I don’t know anymore if it’s true.
Luck favors. Never had such a clue.
Until he became the path to my home.
I’d ask him every time. My hope. My home.
We enjoyed the sunset in the mountains.
Of shared emotions, we both were accountants.
I asked if this could be our forever.
I asked if you’d leave, your promise was “Never.”
That’s all my desires ached for.
My smiles. The ones you bring and adore.
I started loving my existence.
Just to hear your kind words of brilliance.
Though sometimes the night would stay.
Again together, we solved them away.
That’s how strong has been our bond.
Of you, I can’t help being fond.
Those moments are still precious.
I’d love to make more of them with us.
Though words aren’t enough, I still wrote this.
Oh my home, you’ve become my bliss.

Grief cuts deep.
It hides in your bones,
plays peek-a-boo.

You dig
until your insides
spill, splattered wide.

Tag, you’re out.

Only to realize
there are more
Monsters than one.

A layered web
threaded through
past lives, too.

You swim to surface,
gasp for air,
choked
by silent screams.

You reach out
looking for God,
but He’s not here.

Matter to dust.

They say He’s
with you.

Yes, They are.
And they’re here to
play again.

By: Amy Yuan