2015
by Adrian DeBarros
Deflategate:
Goodell likes his woman’s ass flat, like a crepe,
ok not that flat, more like a pan-cake.
When he saw those footballs
in the AFC championship, it drove his jealousy up the wall.
Brian Williams:
Gave little white lies,
while staring at you with his pearly white eyes,
he said he was in a chopper,
he meant in the kitchen – onion chopper.
Super Bowl XLIX:
Rumplestillskin made straw into gold with a pact of first born line,
Russell Wilson made everyone’s jaw drop on that one yard line.
Ticking time and a ball thrown on a skewed line.
Lockette was locked – knocked aside on a whim
and Malcolm in the middle was back at it again.
Brady and the bunch made lunch,
Seahawks were hungry,
but the Patriots beat them to the punch.
Ferguson, MO:
Could’ve waited for backup,
instead,
bullets flew and Wilson backed up.
A painful state resides in Truman’s birth state.
Bess lived longer than her mate,
nearly one hundred years – Someone bless their state.
Sweet are Missouri peaches,
Whiskey Sour and Missouri teaches.
Ferguson, Independence, and Lamar,
all have their stories, near and afar.
The Arm of the law no longer reaches, instead,
bullets fling in its drawn out speeches….
Hong Kong Breast Attack:
Cop was real, Cop was for real,
he wanted to know if they were real,
so he cop’d a feel…
Judge asked for reel,
on a tape, her bloody nose was for real.
That’s all there was before the deal was sealed.
Lady didn’t give her consent,
Cop said an attack was her intent,
Cop cried nipple dent,
So three months in jail she spent.
That’s longer than Lent, I hope that Cop doesn’t make rent.
Loses all he has and doesn’t even sleep in a tent.
This Cop’s obviously not a gent…
I hope he wasn’t breast-fed,
he doesn’t understand – nipples are infant’s bread.
and not something to assault you or make you dead.
Instagram banned the word curvy:
Instagram, instagram, where do I place my pict-o-gram?
in-a-van, on-some-sand, next to a skinny man?
better yet, weightless – next to a-moon-man.
Discriminate against women’s weight?
solve the debate, take strides with a healthy gate.
Push open up the curvy gates.
You take em on a date, give em a diuretic,
hopefully they piss on you – water weigh-it
they’ll still look good even if they don’t shed-it.
You can’t even speak on the topic, so you can’t visually TED-it!
Ironic a Facebook turns face and snaps a photo-sharing app with 1 billion faces,
iconic curvy looks hashtagged with curvy hooks,
seemed to be your disgraces, so you removed them faces…
They’ll still be gorgeous, curvy, while marketing pays a moral-fee,
women curvy in floral bikiNis, hashtagging #Curvee
Women think about their bodies everyday,
at least one thought sad, one bad, all because of visual fads.
dammit I’m mad, a ban on curvy shouldn’t make you glad.
Women genetically have curvy parts,
we know you think the world is flat and you’ve lost your smarts!
Instagram has gone topsy turvy
becoming a big dummy, and afraid to say curvy.
Funny how your instagram logo has all curvy letters,
without curves you wouldn’t even get IT.
You really should revolve around the issue a bit more better.
Weigh more than a gram?
then you have no fans in a curvy band on instagram,
cuz curvy is banned, doesn’t matter if you’re woman or man.
You censor cuz your moderators really aren’t sure,
they can’t tell the difference between a naked Pauly Shore and a curvy Demi Moore!
* * * * *
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