The Caveman, Poetry by Simon Widdop

Genre: Relationship

The Caveman

We had an argument
not a big all guns blazin’ my mother was right about you argument
just a silly one
that made me regress
retreat to my cave
where I consulted with the great oracle YouTube
he slid over his recommendations
topping the bill

John Lennon and Yoko Ono on love | Blank On Blank | PBS Digital Studios

Five and half minutes later
I realised the Universe itself had channelled Lennon to me
to sit in front of me
slap me across the chops and say

‘ere lad you’re better than this, get out of this grump, go show that
quick witted
Venus Incarnate
that you absolutely adore her
you daft sod

So I did
but there’s a catch
a twist

I don’t want to love you like John loved Yoko or how Sid loved Nancy or how Johnny loved June or even how my own Dad loves my Mum.
I’ll love you how you deserve to be loved
not some fairytale “and they lived happily ever after”

I want the grit, the drunk calls when you’re out with the girls (and the obligatory holding of your hair whilst you’re in deep conversation with the toilet bowl with a glass of water on hand), the crack of dawn work day starts, that road trip down Route 66 we always talk about, to be finally able to kick your ass on Mortal Kombat, the “babe you’re too warm move over, wait come back I want a cuddle, ugh move over I’m too warm, wait come back and cuddle me”, I want to be able to reach a compromise on the choice of the Saturday night takeaway, I want that slight awkwardness when I think that you’ve sussed me trying to slyly inquire about your ring size. I want to be able to spend time in a random vegan cafe that we find just down that slightly dodgy looking alley but it does really nice lemon drizzle cake and serves that cat poop coffee that’s all the rage in San Francisco (allegedly)

I am going to give you the world over
I do love you
just let me show the caveman
how to water the bonsai tree

    * * * * *

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