I slid down the darkened path; heart screeching
Left crying yelling to God an ultimatum of me; fix me
Tired of failing and quoting sad songs by heart; God why happiness doesn’t rain down on me?
Roving through fucked up imagery of past times; trying to get past this time one more time.
Tried cursing and fucking with the chemicals in my mind to alleviate the burden of self burden; stopping myself each time except for this time no protection given unto self, this time.
No happy fills me, no love feels me; why can’t I feel me? I’m tired of not feeling me – the storm of softness to end this storm of me. Nothing relieves the pressure of me…..I bet it feels blissful being loved? Being together with love and holding love and breathing it. I bet it feels fucking great – and great feeling it. Tell me someone how much you fucking love me.
I slid down a pathway of darkness, lit by fire it was still darkness because for me this was the way to a mirrored image of me and a fight I was ill prepared for and didn’t have the tools to wage the greatest war on earth but it ain’t a fault of mine that I blame. Nope. Not a fault of me. Not this time: I forgave myself to only punish myself for trying to live myself.
Drunk me wrote this one, drunk me told this one, drunk me made me drink this one. Drunk me let me become the drunk one. Drunk me gave it up and turned to drunk me for the guidebook that didn’t exist because drunk me gave up. Drunk me gave up. Drunk me gave up. This one, drunk me gave up. And I ain’t done with this one!
Drunk me became drunk me because somewhere between commitment for self and commitment for them I chose them and failed me. I tied shoes that didn’t belong to me as a youngster. I took what didn’t belong to me for them and they chose them after. I made myself feel like everyone else’s and no one stranger reminded me of me. Who I was. Who I was. Fuck life and the horse that asshole bitch rode in on. Fuck that hoe who let me cave in to my own weaknesses; the weaknesses that I misguidedly sown.
Yeah I did it, I committed, I witnessed me. Tore down, ran down, ran down, yeah me. I understand the fight I lost and the aftermath of the aftermath I have left to pursue. I have nothing. But an almost empty bottle of nothing. Yeah I know, I hurt, I cry tears of self pity and self issues of noneworth but none is worth-y. Yeah drunk me wrote this one down the darkly lit path of darkness lit by fire that I lit and got burned by but I blame not I. Nope not this time.