Do you ever get on that with yourself?

“I just want”
“I just want”
“I just want”

You’re not sure what it is
exactly
that you want.
You just know that you want it
badly
and that you don’t have it.
Maybe you can’t.

Soon the
desperation
takes the verb as
sacrifice.

“I just”
“I just”
“I just”

You don’t know what you “just”
with no action behind it.
Cemented in the repetition
like a dizzy top
or the earth around the sun.

And then the moderator
evaporates
in time
And you’re left with
a lonely
loathsome
vowel
drowning out the world
while simultaneously
letting it
swallow you
suffocate you.

“I”
“I”
“I”
“I”
“I”

Self-inflicted implosion like a dying star.