I never would have asked
If I’d known you would say “yes”
The idea of time alone with you
Is scaring me to death
Axes couldn’t cut me
Half as deep as you
I’m reinforcing my walls
To keep you from breaking through
How dare you look me in the eye
Smile and call my bluff.
I liked the way that I’d been living.
Now my smooth sailing’s getting rough.
There are a million reasons why it won’t work
I don’t want to sing this same sad song again.
But you forced my hand so I’m forced to try
To play this stupid game I know I’ll never win.
What is it about you? Why is my curiosity piqued?
Is it your brain or our matching baggage that makes you so unique?
Is it your cold black heart or the warmth I feel when you’re around?
What is it about you that makes me get so wound?
Your eyes see through me. I must now be transparent.
My words are smashed together, I’m rambling and incoherent.
I want to tell you everything, but my silence says it all.
You’re setting me up but I don’t want to fall.
I bask in the glow that comes from your smile.
I’m such a fool to keep myself in this denial.
I want to hear your words and make you laugh
And keep your smile for myself.
Since our first hello, I have felt like a new man.
For the first time in years, I feel human.
The excitement, the awkwardness, the butterflies, the dreaming
I feel confidence bubble up, replacing my insecurity and over thinking.
I find myself floating instead of constantly sinking.
It is what it is
But I want what it ain’t
I am a canvas
You are the paint.
I don’t want to wait for it.
I don’t want to throw away my shot
I want to show you who I truly am
And lose my fear of who I am not.
The man in me is stepping up
Coming on to take the lead
You are the first woman I want
And the first I did not need.
What’s at the end of this winding road?
I do not exactly know.
But I want to find out
So fuck this fear, take my hand. Let’s go!