I try to find the way to devalue what I see in you,
in nonexistent “us” that nevertheless to me seemed true
It was there, the vast well of possibility but when uttered…
Whoosh, gossamer nothing ephemeral neverthere just…scattered
“How easily I let you let me down”, a death cab quipped
This potential, it’s buagged, beaten and zipped
You devise the insignificance of my feeling with every breath
I draw a picture I erase, debase and chase with each space more closer to death
The little things die out and die out and die out until –
What is this I hold?
No frame, no color, no light, no reality or form, a very near absolute nil.
So what was it that I saw?
Too blurred and denied to be called a future.
Too saturated, contrasted and meshed with adoration to be a mere past.
Still too broken for kind words to form a suture
Still too raw to be heartlessly waiting in a cast
And I still feel this Jolt Twitch Pang Glitch let me go fast fast fast!
Just hand me the saw
So I can cut and withdraw.
I had so much for you, just you, that now I have to drain from me
Squeeze, slash, ooze and splatter
Wheeze, bash, loose and shatter
No, not enough, not yet, not there, not quite, not still, not ready
Never never never never I swear
Shall be your insignificant other
I will shake you, fake you, break you till you give me some peace
Because I won’t find it in being your favorite mantelpiece.
So don’t hang me about, I will bite.
Don’t lean on me, I will smite
And most of all, don’t be smiling or loving because I will fight fight fight but won’t
be able to see nothing
I will choke myself in doubt and shout so I can hear notihng, no one, nobody,
nothing nothing nothing.
There, how do you like me now?
Now that I see white where I saw rose, hear hollow where I heard rose, touch air
where I felt rose.
Now I can be with you,
but then, why do I wanted to be near you in the first place?
You are not significant at all to me anymore. Just another code in the ether.
So let’s say hello and say no more, let’s just not be there for each other. And I
hope wish pray that’s quite clear and alright to you, oh my insignificant other.