RELATIONSHIP Poem: GHOST, by Luca Asher

I wish you would notice me like I notice you.

I love your subtle, witty remarks.
Sarcasm flying from your lips,
And your voice,
How it comforts my anxious heart and racing mind.

I love how you twirl your long brown hair between your pointer finger and thumb,
And the way you look at friends in conversation,
To judge their reactions,
And then smile when they catch your eye.

I love how often you quote various musicals and sitcoms,
Even when I have no clue where they’re from or what they mean.
I love hearing you rant about which shows and music you like,
Because only then do I get an excuse to watch as you talk,
To watch the way you move your hands with every word,
So eloquent and full of ease,
And to see the rapture of joy and comfort cascade across your eyes, and cup your cheeks.

I notice how you scratch at the tattoos on your left arm,
Two little ghosts,
Each with different hats,
When you’re nervous.
I notice how you pick at your nails,
And don’t like the heat,
And how you were overwhelmed by the flashing lights
And loud noises of the arcade we went to one afternoon in June,
Yet still stuck by me,
Because you know I love the claw machines.
But what I really loved was spending time with you.

I notice how badly you sing along to every song in your car,
But I still smile and listen as I watch you drive.
Your hair flying in the breeze,
And the sun capturing your glow in the palm of his hand,
As if you too, were golden,
As if you too, were full of light.

But how could you notice me like I notice you?

How could you know that what to you might be a quick flick of the eye,
Is to me, an endless gaze that burrows deep into my core?
Your eyes leave trails along my skin
With even the quickest glance in my direction,
And your smile is lightning – the twilight that erupts in thunder.

And I miss watching shows with you and our mutual friend,
And how we played Jackbox games on their TV.
You kept putting your feet up on their lap,
And they would get so annoyed.
I miss how I’d stick my tongue out at you,
And you’d do the same,
I miss the countless bracelets and drawings I made for you,
And how we played truth or truth while sitting on bleachers,
With the zwoop zap zoom of go karts in our ears.

And I miss the times we’ve spent in your car.
It felt like home,
You felt like home,
Our friend felt like home,
Driving along the highway,
Music in our ears,
You and our friend shouting out the lyrics to songs I didn’t know,
And me in the backseat,
Taking it all in.

And I hated counting down the days,
To when you’d leave.
Me holding on tight to your stuffed bear,
His fuzz brushing the tip of my nose,
Breathing in the smell of you.
Because everything you do,
Everything you are,
Will always leave me breathless
And wanting more,
Even when it shouldn’t.

But you’ll never notice,
And I’ll never tell.
For I could write you poem after poem,
Draw you picture after picture,
And none of it could ever compare,
To how fast my heart beats to the light of your smile,
And to how much love I have for you.

Yet the comfort and familiarity of it all,
Is what now makes my heart cry,
Like the sweet tears that trickle down overripe fruit.
I miss you so much,
And the red of your car,
The waltz of your voice,
The comfort of you,
Continuously bleeds their rays across the lids of my eyes,
And sometimes,
I still find myself scanning each red car that drives along the road,
Just waiting to see if it’s you.