Author: poetryfest

I miss you, stars.
Do you miss me?

The flowers are dead–
I hear them crying
and I wear their faces
on my dress

Maybe one day
these hands of mine
that hold this pen and ache
will disentomb
the ruined, empty soil
and long for the days
that you were here

What is your name?

I know nothing about you,
my ancestors
who lived and breathed and laughed
like I do
and died long ago
like I will

Who are you?

I miss you.

Do you miss me?

Someday I will be nameless–
a faceless specter at the edge
of someone else’s lineage
and they will wonder
“Who are you?”

and they will miss me

and I will not have known them

I don’t know why they have brought me here?
This place seems similar, but what’s this strange machine
Making active yet grieving sound?
Why my eyes are losing will to stay open?

I still remember I just opened eyes for the first time a while ago,
I was amazed and scared at the same time,
I was crying while those strange people were smiling while looking at me.
Now I don’t see those faces anywhere,
Isn’t it strange that this time I’m somewhat smiling,
And some strange yet these people who are dear to me are crying?

I still remember running carefreely in those wheat fields,
I still remember how my mother used to tie my hair,
I still remember how my eyes first met my husband’s eyes,
I still remember sitting moon with him for the first time,
I still remember holding those little cute hands of my own blood,
I still remember the excitement I had when he took his first step.

I still remember how my hair turned white,
And I put Hina to dye them red.
I still remember the last meeting with my husband,
Those wrinkled old hands holding mine,
The grip might have been weak, but not the warmth,
The warmth of so many years of joy, happiness, and sorrow.

I still remember when those eyes full of love
Chose to shut permanently and take a part of me with them.
I still remember how a part of me stayed empty after that,
I still remember how I used to fill that void with my loneliness.

I still remember the first night sitting moon without him,
But now they say that I’ve lost sane conscious state of mind.
I don’t think so?
I still remember the smell of rain,
When I was scared of it, and my father held my hand,
And we moved slowly in the rain.
There was faith in my steps, with fear in my heart.

This is the same place,
But this time I might have to go—
Go somewhere I don’t know.
But yes, maybe it’s the same place from where I came.
What will I take with me? Nothing.
I came with nothing in my tiny little hands,
And now I’ve to depart with nothing in my old wrinkled hands.
Perhaps when I came, I brought some sort of happiness,
Now I’ve to leave behind some sort of sorrowness—
Just like Euphrates flowed through so many places,
Carrying a mixture of told, untold, bitter, and sweet memories.

Today I awoke with a tightness in my chest
“I missed you my dear” was whispered in jest
Tears start to fall as I thought I had defeated
“Oh silly girl, I was only depleted”
Around my neck I can feel the claws
“Can you feel the comfort of the darkness it falls”
Too tired to fight, the scars not yet healed
“With a pick and a poke, this wound I will peel”
Frozen in fear, mind racing fast
“Did you really think the light would last”
I cringe from the smirk and heat of its breath
“Peace will only come when you give in to death”
The tools from battle are battered and bruised
“Your naivety does make me very amused”
Strength is drained trying to fight once again
“Just give in to me child, look where we have been”
“Here is the bottle to drown out your thoughts”
My stomach is ill and tied into knots
“And here, lets ruminate on your lack of decision”
I know what this is and in my heart is division
“I will embrace you always, stop fighting me so”
It is right and it kills me, this I know
Today I give up, today it has won
No need to worry any further as it is all done

To bed I must go as it’s my only escape
“Oh dear, you’re dreams I will haunt, remember the rape?”
Slight quiet in slumber, a taste of peace
“Another nightmare to ponder, it will not cease”
Alarm starts to blare, another day without drink
“Why are you trying, quit trying to think”
Distractions are needed; idle hands leave me weak
“Push away all you want; my havoc will wreak”
Its embrace so familiar, the darkness consuming
“Yes, my girl, let me in; stop fuming”
People around me cheer to keep fighting
“But you know in your soul, with me is more exciting”
Who do I choose, this question dividing
My head and my heart farther apart they are sliding
“I have been with you forever and always”
“Will they stick around when you’re stuck in my haze”
If they do or they don’t, it really doesn’t matter
“But in your heart, you do want this and that I will shatter”
“It is me you should choose; I am growing annoyed”
With you the darkness ends in only one way
How am I to know an option for another day
“Concede, stop fighting, this is where you belong”
“Proof without drink that you are not strong”
“My dear, in your heart you know I am not wrong”

Why does it always have to be all or nothing
Can we find a balance; some sort of peace offering
“I do not want to share you with the world my dear”
“You are mine forever, let me be clear”
Epiphany setting in, that you will never leave
“Laughing, my child there is only slight reprieve”
When your strength is greater than mine and I cannot fight your call
I must do the small things that will help me not fall
“You can pretend that these things will keep me at bay”
“But you know I am stronger at the end of the day”
Leaning on those that want me around
“With me you can finally wear the crown”
Remember the things that bring me joy
“This my dear is only a ploy”
Focusing on what makes your voice small
“You can try if you must, in the end you will answer my call”
Acknowledge this I may, today is not the day
“Why must you fight me so, this game we shall play”
Out of obligation I will live with you in my life
And even when you create so much strife
“I will always be here waiting for concession”
“I don’t understand why you don’t learn your lesson”
Together we shall live, a part of me you are
“A battle you want, your heart I will scar”

Locked and loaded
I’ve practiced with it before
I know how to use it
Tonight
is the night
there’s no going back
all options exhausted
my pencil a gun
I press hard against my header
of this blood red notepad page
and pull the goddamn trigger

But the lead breaks
gun jams
a sad, single, broken squiggle
Fuck!
This gunpower graphite grim reaper
didn’t want my final gift

Words won’t heal these wounds
despite decades of self-inflicted salve
miles of ruts in ancient roads
carved by carts full of family bullet holes

Cursed lullabies inside my head
“Bring out your dead, boy.
Bring out your dead.
Don’t let them get close, boy
your secrets will spread.”

I can’t erase the squiggle.
like I can’t erase the past.
but maybe
I don’t have to.

there are many more pages here
notebook and body

room for
more scribbles
sonnets
songs
courageous exchanges
encouraging words

So I’ll let the last of my faith
set her sights on this gunpower prayer
May
this broken
S
q
u
i
gg
l
e Misfire
be a holy demarcation
between all of my aims before I was broken
and all of the beauty still down range.

It is the weight of
Unspoken words that
Drowns me, sinking
Me deeper, deeper, deeper down
Into the abyss of the
Dark, empty forest. Alone—
Fighting? Struggling to stay alive? Or
Did you let go? Haunting
Me is You and
The weight of what’s unspoken.

I hate you Did I love you?
I love you Did I hate you?

It’s not the similar hurt we lived—
It’s not the silence always between us—
It’s not my door slammed shut after a fight—
It’s not the illusion you cast for others—
It’s not the hate I don’t know if I experienced–
It’s not the uncomfortable feeling of seeing you—
It’s not the stored-away urn—
It’s the weight of unspoken words that kills me.

I miss you, I
Think. But
Shhh, don’t tell. I wonder if
You’re looking at me from
The afterlife. I wonder if
You regret me. I wonder if
You loved me.

Mama, so many unspoken words.
Mama, now that you’ve died.

What defines a man?
Someone with dignity? Someone with shame?
Someone vulnerable, or “someone” in vain?
A vague answer—I’ll be honest then,
Society’s standards? Cruel and dishonest, man.

You speak up—you’re disregarded.
You make an effort—you’re outsmarted.
You do nothing? You’re called a bastard regardless.
Try to hold ground? Your stance gets blasted.

Vulnerability. Breakdowns. Mental fatigue.
A man’s life—just pain with no relief.
A faint smile, a brief breath, penned on a sheet.
That’s what this is, boys—so buckle your seats while I preach.

A man’s life is a lie.
His smile, his words—his emotions, all a disguise.
He lies because he cares.
He finds ways to fix, not vanish into thin air.

His day begins with thoughts of his loved ones,
And ends with them.
Yet the only flowers he ever receives
Are laid at the end.

Poor appreciation. No oxytocin—
That’s how he lives.
All he wants is to see his family smile,
To make ’em proud, and meet every wish.

Loving children and an adorable wife,
Still, he gets caught in conflict and strife.
Trapped in the webs, looking for light—
He knows no matter how loud he shouts,
It’s all silent. Mute. No sound in sight.

He doesn’t complain like he used to do.
This masked way of living? He’s grown used to.
A constant tug-of-war with everything.
Wearing the mask, that smile, and the pretending.

’Cause this is a judgmental world,
Where male discomfort is dismissed as vile.
No one cares for a man—
“That’s just how they are,” says Society with a smile.

“A man should be tough.” “Stop being so weak.”
“Only a weakling cries.”
Why these beliefs?
Is a man not human? Can’t he break—
Even once, without being called fake?

Can’t these so-called standards vanish for a jiffy?
Let the noise hush, just for an iffy.
The situation’s looking a bit tricky.
So much for equality—when the loudest cries dissolve a man too
quickly.

No offense to victims, but truth gets murky when empathy turns
picky.
We need balance, not blame—before the silence gets sticky.
So much for fairness, when power plays the sound—
And those holding the mics are just money-hungry hounds.

But let me leave you with names they forgot to pronounce—
Prometheus, who stole fire so men might renounce
The cold chains of darkness, gave light for free,
And was punished by gods for daring to see.

Or Sigurd the Valiant, who slew Fáfnir the beast,
A man, not divine—just brave, to say the least.
He bathed in the blood, understood the birds’ song,
Betrayed by the world, yet stood strong all along.

These weren’t monsters. These were men.
Not flawless—but free, with a truth in their pen.
So next time they say, “All men are the same,”
Remember the fire. Remember the flame.
One man can burn,
And still change the game.

-Asher Graves

One day,
the wind will whisper my name,
soft as a breath, light as a sigh.

The echoes of laughter,
the weight of my words—
they will linger, though I have flown.

Do not miss me for the face I wore,
nor the voice that time will fade.

Miss me in the quiet moments,
where my touch still gently stays.

In the book half-read upon your shelf,
in the song that feels like home,
in the warmth of hands once held,
in the kindness left unsaid.

I will not vanish,
not truly,
not yet—
for love does not die, it roots, it grows.

And if I am to be remembered,
Let it be in the hearts I chose.

Denying won’t stop
Everything from hurting. It’ll
All come to an end soon enough.
Together again. Holding ice cold
Hands as we

Dance the eternity away.
Overlook all those we left behind,

Understanding their
Struggle as they learn to move

Past our life
And focus on their own.
Reliably, we’ll all be
Together again.

We buried our Siamese this evening – found dead in the neighbor’s yard.
No idea what happened.
So hard to imagine my own body buried in the dirt.
He was stiff and heavy.
Life all gone.
It is so strange and surreal.

We threw white petaled flowers on his body.
He took no notice.
The dirt fell around his head and between his legs.
His big, soft, brown paw lay with toes curled as if to nurse the air while purring.
Sharp claws poking out like daggers once used for scratching trees and hunting lizards.
The lizards are now dirt.

We planted a fragrant lavender plant above him.
Its scent made its way to me, sweet and soothing, from the ground where its violet flowers
rise above him and its roots reach down to his rotting flesh.
The putrid smell, smothered in soil, lurking deep down in the earth.
The lavender and the Siamese will become dirt.

We walk on this earth, the dirt, the grass, the concrete; minds full of senseless longings,
careless judgments, meaningless noise – I’m right or you’re wrong, he said this or she did
that, or fantasies about the future and grandeur.
It will all become dirt, eventually.

I hope one day my body will lay in the dirt beneath a beautiful tree.
My body and all its parts transformed – nourishment for the trunk, the branches, and the
leaves.
Then carried away by birds in the bellies of bugs.

Probably gonna be towheads she says
Nana had been waiting, urging,
Dare I say praying for this day
Two beings from one big bang
Done in an office sterilize
White and pink stiff sheet
Half over knees
D/raped
Feet resting in horse shoes
Waiting for the reassuring sound of gallops
That don’t come from horses

But he came, and we came here,
And we were there~Still.
We made the adjustments
We did the things
Followed the mustn’t and must do’s
And two little dots
Dueling little beans
Little beams of light
Two heads floated off on a dream instead.
Gone Silent.