Category: Uncategorized

God took a wand
Dipped it into the life-giving liquid
And breathed this foam into
A giant bubble.
Surface tension growing and stretching
Clusters of bubbles forming within.
Stochastic processes
Vacuum fluctuations
Or genius planning?
It swelled and stretched
And undulated and dilated
Until it snapped
Scattering its contents forth,
Multiverses now nestled in hills and valleys
Of time and space
Twisting back upon themselves
Energies swirling ever faster.
Creating duplications of us!
Identical people, other people
Exactly like us down to the last cell!
Physical and mental copies
Thinking our thoughts
Moving in our bodies
Thinking they are us!
Living parallel existences
In parallel universes.
And thinking that they are us!
The multiverse
Really, waves in space.
Infinitely large
Replicating fractals
With more of us here
And more of us there.
The birth of our universe
Might have been less significant than we thought
Or much greater than we ever imagined.
All of our versions
In different manifestations,
Sometimes feeling alone and lonely,
Sometimes connected and loved.
Never imagining the possibilities
Of the bubble,
The multiverse,
The parallel me, us, we, and even you!
We ask ourselves now
(speaking, thinking simultaneously and not knowing it
yet truth prevails because it is)
Are we are part of a bigger … bath?
What about my “others”?
Would she (or they) be me
Or is she (or they) distinctly the same and different
At the same time?
Do I take myself seriously
When I know that I’m out there
Succeeding, perhaps, even as I fail here?
Is there a version of me that will survive
Whatever I do?
Is immortality out there
In the cradle of dreams and promises?
Did God create each of us
Reflecting, wobbling, floating, bobbing
Encased in iridescence—or not?
Heaven, a kingdom of magical orbs
Fragile, surviving, protected
Reflecting souls that are not dispensable
That are as unique as snowflakes?
The creator sighs, smiles, and …
Dips the wand once more.

You have no spirit you have no warmth
When you’ve heard the lock on the door
Listen to what your sorrows are
Tell me is it you that leads me from dying, rage and fiercest grief
Be alert the snakes lie at your feet
Is there any other who suffers so hard a fate?
And since you know these walls and binding chains
Of this cold prison hide me in its depths

You are blind you are desperate
When you walk down trails pathless
Listen to what your sorrows are
Tell me is it you that leads me stumbling
Thru these streets filled with restless dreams
My eyes frowning at the sun when the morning comes
Is there any way to escape these laws of destiny?
And since you are walking between night
And dawn of day it is here you shall remain

You have no insight you have no reflection
You’ve heard the shadows call
Listen to what your sorrows are
Tell me is it you that leads me from suffering and dismay
Know that we all fall
Are there any words not so tired to do any good?
And since you’ve given me the answer
Take what is left for yourself

There the eyes shine moonless
And stare in space
While the whites singe
And the sun sets on dusk

in the middle of the night,
I ask myself questions
that are really games:
would I have taken your last name
if we’d gotten married?
how many books would you have written
by now?
now knowing what I do,
would I have shown up in that bar?

If your intentions are pure
I’m seeking a friend for the end of the world…
you were a personals ad in a newspaper
when neither were very popular anymore
and I wasn’t sure how you’d know who I was
but there you were
the only subtle leather jacket in the bar

I wanted a name like yours
Jacob Grace
like a comic book character
a name that sounded like
something beautiful
in language I don’t speak

you had so many notebooks
you could have built a world
on a parallel plane
and in some ways, you did
you craved authenticity
vitality
you wanted to go to Graceland
to see your own name on signs all over Memphis

the way you became mine
was immediate and total
that first night in the bar
you started calling me Trixie
instead of Beatrice
like it had always been my name
like there were things about me
that only you could see
you wrote music
and I made jewelry

and we talked about how much we hated L.A.
you bought me records and said you’d take me to Memphis
so we could disappear into the south
like characters in an Edward Eggleston print

you told me you liked the way your name looked with mine
and I wrote them superimposed onto each other
inextricable

so we packed up our life
so we could go to Graceland
so we could be the adventure
we’d come together to be
and I should have been more careful
I should have looked for the harbingers
I should have wound myself around you
the way I entangled the letters of our names

when we left the send-off dinner
the sky was a whole galaxy
and the ocean was the same temperature as the air
you said you wanted to live in this moment
if your intentions are pure…
you dove into the water
and your skin glowed blue under the moon
a piscine imp in the waves that crashed over your head
I am seeking a friend for the end of the world
for a moment you were beautiful
and then gone
and I waited for your head to break the surface
and the seconds sucked the air from my lungs
like a vacuum
a friend for the end of the world
for the end of the world
I started screaming
I kept waiting
for the end of the world
it’s the end of the world

the funeral was unbearable
I wore a designer suit that I hated
and went back to the barren apartment
where you were more gone
than I could have ever imagined
and it felt like my whole self
had leaked out through my cracked-open chest
but we were already packed
so I left the only home that we would ever have

I traveled southeast
and the air conditioner died
a few states in
so I rolled down the windows
and let the wind sand down my grit
and when I started seeing the signs for Graceland on the highway
I laughed and sobbed at the same time
I kept driving toward Memphis
and I wish you could’ve seen it
because there you were
on signs all over the city
just like you said you would be

They say,
I should have been stronger —
like bones aren’t meant to break
under the weight of a stranger’s hands.

Like I wasn’t already fighting to hold on
while he took pieces of me,
one by one,
until the mirror became a place
I could no longer stand to look.

They say,
you’re slipping now,
falling too far —
as if I chose this hollowing,
as if my hunger for escape
was some kind of betrayal
to a world that stood still
while he did what he did.

But my body remembers
in ways they refuse to see—
the way control slips through your fingers
when your worth is rewritten
by someone else’s violence,
when food feels like the only thing
you can refuse.

And still, they turn their backs,
turn my story into questions
about what I didn’t do,
as if survival has rules
I should have known.

They never ask about the nights
spent unravelling in silence,
about the ways I fought
to keep breathing when breathing
was the hardest thing to do.

Instead, they blame the fall,
the aftermath, the ways I cope—
ignore the wreckage
that still lingers in the corners,
pretend they didn’t hear
the sound of me breaking
the moment he entered the room.

She’s standing there,
an ivory pearl of beauty,
turning the girls green with envy.

But it just isn’t fair…
What’s supposed to be tears of joy
are reflections of a lifetime that’s been destroyed.

The thousand yard stare
ignites an eternal flame,
an ember that can’t be tamed.

She could’ve sworn he cared,
thought his promises were real,
and their future was ideal.

Their first kiss was a dare,
then the years flew by in a haze.
Reality said goodbye to the high school days.

I thought it was rare,
the sacred touch between them,
until their future was condemned.

Everyone was there,
waiting…
waiting…
waiting…
Regretting a little bit of everything.

A devastating affair
unraveled like lightning
what took a decade of designing.

Under the glare,
perfection falters
as rain falls onto an empty altar.

Grieving what could’ve been you
You could’ve been a good father
You could’ve been my superhero
You could’ve been the one i went to for advice on anything
You could’ve been there for me for my first heartbreak
You could’ve been there when i was in the mental hospital for two weeks
You could’ve been at my graduation
You could’ve seen me get my first house with friends and congratulate me
You could’ve believed in me when i told you i wanted to be a poet and singer
You could’ve looked beyond my identity and treated me like your child
You could’ve cared about what i had to say
You could’ve held me when i was going through the worst times of my life
You could’ve been there when mom started using drugs
You could’ve been there when i got my braces at the dentist
You could’ve been there when i got my first job
You could’ve been there for me when i came out as transgender
You could’ve been so much
But you weren’t
Instead you were the one who caused my abandonment and trust issues
Instead you were the one who always let me down
Instead you were the one who only ever thought about himself
Instead you were the one who broke me down and didn’t pick me back up
Instead you belittled me and my beliefs
Instead you gaslit me and made me seem like i was the problem in your life
Instead you chose drugs and the path that i would never choose
Instead you became a stranger
Instead you decided to play the victim whenever anyone called you out on your bullshit
Instead you said i would always only ever be your daughter and never your son
Instead you let me down time and time again and made me feel guilty for things that weren’t
ever my fault
I was the one who had to pick up the broken pieces
I was the one who had to always validate myself even when i was just fucking twelve
I was the one who held me at my worst
I was the one who kept pushing myself and telling myself it was going to be okay
I was the one who kept showing up for my little brother when nobody else did
I was the one who fed myself half the time while you were off with mom getting high
I was the one who tried to keep my cool when the world became dark and cruel
I was the one who didn’t leave me
All of this, and yet i still love you
All of this, and yet i still care about you
You could’ve been so many things, but you chose to be someone i never want to be
I have to let you go, if i don’t then i will never be who i want to
So i think this time really is the end, and i wish i could say i’m sorry but the only thing i’m sorry
about is what could’ve been

I know I shouldn’t
But I can’t help it
Sometimes I don’t have the control to stop
It is wrong
And I know
But the satisfaction
the feeling of a little less pain
I don’t know why
Maybe it is the pity
The want for attention
Yet I tell no one
Hidden in broad daylight
It is a shadow that haunts me
Doesn’t leave always returns
Nothing permanent
Only enough to feel alive
Like a human

Sadness covers my surroundings
Like a blanket of fog
Not really here
But real enough to make its presence known.
This dark Sea is my home
Although they toss me and test my wits they are my love
Without this Sea I am nothing
Without me she still is the Sea.
Vast in mind she has taken my heart
In all her many forms
I still ride hoping one day
This Sea will return my good favor with wind in my sails.
However until this day comes I
Shall brace the mountains she bestows upon me
Along with the cold that follows
For I know nothing else and nothing else would suffice.

Ingredients:
• 2-3 tablespoons red, blue, and/or white
• 1 cup stars and stripes
• 2 bald eagles
• 270 votes
• 169 million frantic women

Instructions:
1. Preheat women to 350°, being careful to warm them incrementally so that they do not burn outright.
2. Carefully place the bald eagles in a debate—watch them peck at each other and finish plucking the one that ends up with fewer feathers.
3. In a large mixing bowl, combine red, blue, and/or white with stars and stripes. Stir until festive, then soak the now-featherless eagle for 2-3 hours or overnight for best results.
4. In a separate bowl, take the votes and mix with quiet outrage until smooth.
5. Remove the eagle from the mixture and spoon a few tablespoons of leftover liquid into the votes.
6. Dip the eagle into the votes and let any excess drip off. Immediately dredge in the voices of those who dictate others’ bodies until completely coated. Let rest on a baking sheet while you heat up your women.
7. In a large cast iron pan, fry the eagle for 8-12 minutes until the internal temperature reads defeat.