I’m amaze how she put a smile or act like nothing ever happened,
Like the sun always shine upon her,
Like her cup runneth over always.
Like her thoughts were always light
And her heart merry.
Then, one day she just disappear,
Into nothingness.
No trace, no clues
And people whispered the big Why…?

Maybe it wasn’t acute,
Maybe it has started since her childhood,
Expressing through different metamorphosis.
Then days and years of struggle to just live.
Maybe her tears finally ran dry,
Her loneliness wasn’t something that can be shared like happiness.
Her heart loaded with grief upon herself.
Maybe she lamented upon herself
Upon her own dead spirit for years.
Maybe she learned how to smile to hide her sufferings
And silence to hide away her scream for help,
To be safe from getting stigmatized.

Her mind find no escape from the tormenting thoughts.
Eating up her soul,
Burying her heart.
Never seem to change a bit even till that fateful day or in future.
She tried her best working hard, burning the midnight oil to find life, to find dreams, to find love.
Every rejections and failures led her back to the very point where it all began.
That darkness will always find way to crawl back in,
Leading her back to it’s world.
Never seem to leave her.
Make her feel like the end seem more peaceful.

Then, she decided to step away.
The sum of all thoughts,
The sum of all fights,
The sum of all shame,
The sum of all tears,
The sum of all fears.
Seem like the cure but she has just pass it on..
“There is light at the end of the tunnel”, they said.
She wanted to believe…