The Denial of an Ageing Disgrace, Poetry by Matthew Nicholson

 Where’s the fucking rizla’s man
I just need a fucking smoke
to take the edge off
starting with just one almighty toke.
This week’s been shit
I have to say, today’s been much the same
let’s smoke ’til I can’t see her face
and can’t recall their names.

She said that I’m an addict.
Yeah, what does she fucking know
a few pills every weekend
and a little bit of blow.
A spliff for breakfast every day
to help me on my feet
and a couple more at bedtime,
but that’s just to help me sleep.

Beers with the lads at dinner time
before it’s back to work
and a swift one after clocking off.
It’s an early finish perk.

I love my life! There’s nothing wrong!
I’ll never change a thing!
There isn’t a drinking game exists
that I can’t fucking win!

How could she ever understand
or find ways to forgive?
She must think I’m some
useless selfish bastard fucking div!

There are thing I tried to tell her,
but how could I ever say –
I think of ways to end my life
about fifteen times a day.

She never lets me see the kids
it breaks my fucking heart!
She says I’m unpredictable,
but she knew that from the start.

School, foster homes and prison
none of it did me no good
I was born and dragged up fighting.
Surviving any way I could!

I’ve been this way from being fourteen
life will never be no different.
Pissed and stoned forever
from a forty plus delinquent.

Addiction, Family, Rhyme, Dark, Dark, Honest, Life, Angry, Emotional, Character poem

Matthew Nicholson



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